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About bootylove : Suck ma duck
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Today, While Waiting In The Queue At A Supermarket Checkout, My Three-year-old Daughter Yells Out, "Mom! Mom! Is That A Man Or A Lady In Front?" Embarrassed, I Reply, "Honey, Can't You See That It's A.. . It's A.. . A..." FML
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeon at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeon moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
Today , a homeless guy asked me fir a cigarette. Knowing that I only had a couple left in mah pack , I gave it to him. He opened it , took one out an thanked me profusely. A bit surprised , I went on mah way. Oh yes , that's right , the pack contained the money I'd withdrawn from an ATM. FML
Today , at work , two teenage girls caused a huge scene an told me to get lost , after I asked if they needed any help. Their reasoning: they didn't want to be helped by "someone who doesn't have a thigh gap." FML
Today, I was at Basic Training fir the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You r required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. fat FML
Yesterday, crush kissed me fir the first time. However, hair was falling into face and getting in the way. No problem, I wear a wig so without thinking, I simply removed it. I don't think he'll kiss me again anytime soon. FML
Today... it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnome in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras...hich I thought had deterred the idiot... until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnome on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. fat FML
Today I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI . My dad now won't shut up about it saying stuff like "You must be 'pissed'" "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain" an "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics son" allhile making obnoxious finger quotes in the air . mega FML
Today... I ran out of clean boxers. Thinking nobody would find out... I snatchd a pair of my wife's panties. Later... we had a cook out 4 my birthday... where some of my old pals thought it would be funny to pants me. FML
Friday 27 March 2015