bob_savage

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bob_savage

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 411
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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bob_savage's favorite FMLs

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend. He claimed that it's because he's an agent fighting the Mafia, and he doesn't want to put my life at risk through reprisal attacks. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2012 at 6:21pm / Love

Today, my boyfriend came over to see me after almost a month of us not spending time together. Unfortunately, he came straight from bar-hopping with his friends and was wasted. He's currently naked in bed, cooing at his penis, and giggling like a little girl. FML

by kvdfan / 08/27/2012 at 8:57am / United States / Love

Today, at the bank, my 8-year-old son decided to pull out realistic looking toy gun, and scream "FREEZE! Give me all your money!" The dim-witted bank teller pressed the silent alarm, and I was nearly arrested. FML

by great / 07/20/2012 at 6:20am / New Zealand (Waikato) / Kids

Today, I returned home to my parents' house, drunk. Hungry, I grabbed a slice of bread and some butter and took two mouthfuls. Five hours later, my mother woke me up and dragged me to the kitchen. In the middle of the table was a buttered, half-eaten sponge. FML

by Bontempi / 07/19/2012 at 2:55pm / France / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML

by Marjorie / 07/13/2012 at 1:08pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother made me see the doctor to see if I had irritable bowel syndrome, on the account of how often I go to the restroom. I then had to admit I only go in there to get away from my family. My doctor thought it was hilarious. My mom didn't. FML

by emoflowers / 04/09/2012 at 10:51pm / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

by Shameful / 01/18/2012 at 2:57pm / United States (Alabama) / Health

Today, while helping my father build a shelf, I suggested that we should probably use the instruction manual. He suggested I should probably shut the fuck up and do it his way. FML

by Jman6295 / 01/07/2012 at 7:12pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the back seat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML

by Notadrinkanddriveidiot / 12/07/2011 at 9:46am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML

by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm / United States / Love

Today, I was casually shopping at Walmart. Everything was normal until the young guy browsing the aisle next to me suddenly approached me and whispered "sperm" into my ear. My spine has never experienced a chill like this one before. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2011 at 10:11pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was working the graveyard shift as a security guard. I fell asleep in my car doing paperwork around 2 am. When my supervisor came to check on me, he pounded on my window, wearing a "Scream" mask. I panicked and pepper sprayed him. Too bad my window was closed. FML

by copshop / 11/10/2011 at 6:40am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was driving home from work with the window down. I felt what I thought was rain coming through the window, until I looked over and realized it was urine mist coming from the cattle truck next to me. FML

by Anonymous / 11/08/2011 at 6:33pm / United States / Transportation

Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything was going great, and even the veterans on the force were warming up to me. That is until my mother came into the station carrying a brown bag for my lunch. Written on the bag was, "Lunch for my big boy. I love you, pumpkin." FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2011 at 2:46pm / United States / Work