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blueberrypsycho's favorite FMLs
Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML
by lsababy / 06/11/2013 at 2:46pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I'm 5 months pregnant. My 20-year-old boyfriend still refuses to tell his parents because he thinks he'll get in trouble. He thinks we can get away with "never telling them and just hiding the kid." FML
by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 12:42pm / Pakistan / Love
Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML
by notapervert / 02/28/2013 at 2:57am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I was taking a pizza order at work, and had to ask the customer's name. I couldn't quite hear what he said, so rather than asking him to repeat himself, I asked how it was spelled. He gave me a funny look and said, "Um, A.J.?" FML
by martinaaah / 09/24/2012 at 3:35pm / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I looked over at the car parked next to me and noticed a very large woman plucking her mustache. She locked eyes with me and kept plucking. After that, every time I looked over, she was still staring. Staring and plucking. Now when I close my eyes, I can still see her. FML
by banana2894 / 08/10/2012 at 12:40am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by Scared / 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
Today, I arranged a romantic dinner for my boyfriend. His favourite meal, fresh flowers, scented candles. Everything went beautifully, at least until he wrapped an arm around me and whispered, "Want some dick?" into my ear. Mood horrifically ruined. FML
by dating a manchild / 06/01/2012 at 7:50pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy
by Bridget / 05/06/2012 at 2:01pm / United Kingdom / Love
Today, I had a date with the girl I've been interested in for months. I'm pretty laid-back and casual with my friends, which backfired and caused the date to end with a slap, when I greeted her with a friendly "S'up, slut?" FML
by f*ck / 05/02/2012 at 12:22pm / United States / Love
Today, I was watching a boys volleyball team warming up, and I had my eye on one of them who was quite attractive. He sent the ball a little too far and it hit me in the face. He apologized, and I then for some reason replied with, "It's fine, I like balls in my face." FML
by lifeonfire12 / 04/15/2012 at 9:13pm / Canada / Intimacy
by girly / 04/12/2012 at 12:06am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML
by anonymous / 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm / United States / Intimacy
by Tristansefam1367 / 03/12/2012 at 9:11am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/10/2012 at 9:20am / United States (New Mexico) / Love
- Today, my girlfriend texted one of her male friends, saying she's turned off by the thought of sex… Today, in the middle of sex with my boyfriend, my visiting brother knocked on the door saying he'd… Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily.…