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bluberry1995's favorite FMLs
Today, I was hurriedly doing laundry. I threw a second load in the dryer and slammed the door shut. All of a sudden, I heard scratching and whining coming from the dryer. My cat probably hates me now. FML
by benji / 11/01/2011 at 3:02pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML
by Anonymous / 10/28/2011 at 7:39pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 10/23/2011 at 7:45am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out the people I babysit for have a nanny cam. Problem is, when I'm there, I act out scenarios in which I have the sweetest boyfriend. I also say his parts out loud in a man's voice. FML
by Laura / 10/08/2011 at 12:49am / United States / Work
Today, I woke up after a few friends came over last night. There are eggs, coins and Oreos glued to the ceiling, 10 broken jars, no food left, and most of the contents of my house are in the garden. And I'm naked and covered in permanent marker drawings of Pokémon. My parents return in an hour. FML
by danii / 10/03/2011 at 9:19pm / Reserved / Miscellaneous
Today, there was a guy following me, so to avoid him, I crouched down and basically waddled behind a wall to get past him. Sure enough, first thing I see when I get around the corner, while still waddling, was an unhappy midget couple staring right at me. FML
by Mike Polk / 10/03/2011 at 8:37am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Emmy / 10/02/2011 at 2:36am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, after 4 months of no family contact while deployed in the military, I receive an email from my mother. Attached was a picture of a toilet full of green shit, with a message from my mom saying, "Seen neon poo before? Thought I would share!" FML
by btchzloveit / 09/29/2011 at 8:27am / United States (Armed Forces Pacific) / Miscellaneous
Today, while I was on the bus, my foot fell asleep. When we arrived at my stop, I stood up and limped to the front of the bus. As I walked down the steps, I tripped, fell, and smashed my nose into the ground. The driver just laughed and drove away. FML
by Anonymous / 09/21/2011 at 11:41pm / United States (Missouri) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 09/21/2011 at 8:38am / United Kingdom / Love
by socks / 09/21/2011 at 3:01am / United States / Animals
Today, while at work, after reading more than 100 FMLs and moderating more than 500, I decided to write one of my own with the help of my boss, who had been standing next to me for over an hour. "How about being fired?" FML
by f_ck_U / 09/21/2011 at 2:47am / China (Zhejiang) / Work
Today, I was in class and really needed to pee. My teacher has chosen to replace our hall pass with a copy of War and Peace. She picks out a page for us to memorise on the shitter, and repeat by heart later. If we can't remember, we get locked out of class, and then get detention for being absent. FML
by Anonymous / 09/20/2011 at 5:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
by Cantgetno / 09/20/2011 at 3:45am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:39am / United States (Washington) / Health