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Today, I went to the dentist after not being there for 3 years. I was told that I had loads of cavities and that I would need to pay $3,000 for a serious mouth surgery. The reason I hadn't been to the dentist in 3 years: I've been married to a dentist for 3 years that said my teeth were "perfect." FML
Today, I was at my 10 year high school reunion. I saw the girl I used to have a BIG crush on, so I decided to go over and say hi. She screams when she sees me. Then, she starts hitting me, looking panicked. I control her and ask why she's hitting me. She says 'Everyone thought you were dead!' FML
Today, I found out that my friends were convinced that I was gay. I have known most of them for 3 plus years, they all thought my girlfriend was a special shopping partner. I found this out while announcing my engagement. FML
Today, my boyfriend of five years gave me the silent treatment, refusing to talk to me or do anything more than glare at me during the entire three hour drive we took this morning. Why? Because I slept with his best friend. In his dream last night. FML
Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I was frantically searching for my cell phone. He was curious as to what I was doing so I told him. There was long silence followed by laughter. He could hardly breathe as he told me, "Honey you're on your phone talking to me." FML
Today, my Dad sent me an e-mail wishing me a "Happy 21st Birthday, sweetheart!" The message went on and on about how much he loves and misses me and wishes we were closer, and can't believe how fast I'm growing up. I'm 23 and my birthday is in December. FML
Today, I was at the extremely crowded gym when someone came up behind me and shouted in my ear scaring the living shit out of me. I jump into a karate pose in front of everyone. No one was behind me. It was a new song starting on my headphones. A trainer asked me if I needed an ambulance. FML
Today, the girl I like came over to my house to watch a movie. We had seen pretty much every movie that I suggested, so we ended up watching The Lion King. I forgot how sad that movie is, because once Mufasa died I started bawling my eyes out. FML
Today, I was feeling rebellious, I decided to procrastinate instead of studying for my really important English test tomorrow. I was having a pretty good time until I realized my idea of procrastinating was cleaning my TI-83 graphing calculator with rubbing alcohol and Q-tips. FML
Friday 7 March 2014