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birdman19

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birdman19

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 19 July 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 3075
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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birdman19's favorite FMLs

Today, I got in a hotel elevator. There was a kid in there also. He got off on the 3rd floor. As he was stepping from the elevator, he decided to press every single button. It's a 35 floor hotel. My room is on the 32nd floor. FML

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

#6476198
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5396) - you deserved it (45127)

On 11/27/2009 at 9:13am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I hit a deer. The worst part? Papa deer saw me hit mama deer, and proceded to ram into my car. FML

#6463128
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27992) - you deserved it (18835)

On 11/26/2009 at 2:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I woke up to find my house TP'd. I also noticed our entire house was devoid of toilet paper. Someone had broken in just to steal our toilet paper and TP our own house with it. FML

#6382728
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29747) - you deserved it (2635)

On 11/20/2009 at 6:50pm - misc - by WhyTheEff (man) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up with a ridiculous hangover and no memory of last night. I called my friend who told me that I was so trashed I ended up eating all the hamburgers and chicken fingers in her fridge. I've been a vegetarian for 15 years. FML

#6355717
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11158) - you deserved it (45751)

On 11/18/2009 at 4:11pm - misc - by squishy (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up next to the girl I had drunk intercourse with last night. Before we got it on, I noticed a package of birth control pills on her nightstand. Because of this, I felt no need to use a condom, or pull out. When I woke up, I noticed those "pills" were actually a makeup case. FML

#6248749
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6242) - you deserved it (53397)

On 11/10/2009 at 8:52pm - intimacy - by prayforme (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I learned the hard way that if you walk up to a hobo by your car pooping, they will chase you yelling, "Get out of my bathroom!" FML

#6166961
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30108) - you deserved it (3711)

On 11/05/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was hanging out with my friends. My friend started talking about how unfair it is that women can use their breasts to get promotions. I told him that he has no place to talk, as he used his "d*ck" a few months ago with his female boss. His girlfriend of 3 years was sitting next to me. FML

#6122066
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8405) - you deserved it (28348)

On 11/02/2009 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by konichiwa (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that I was conceived during a conjugal visit. FML

#6089701
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30968) - you deserved it (2603)

On 10/31/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after telling my best friend an idiot could make Kraft Dinner, I spilled boiling water all over my hands and forearms while attempting to strain the noodles. FML

#6086492
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6320) - you deserved it (30671)

On 10/31/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by Lexi - Sent from mobile version

Today, my bank overdrafted my account to pay a bill that isn't due until next month. When I called them, they said they would fix the mistake, but I have to restore the account to zero before they'll give me my money back. So, I have to pay for my own money with the money they won't give me. FML

#6067790
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26439) - you deserved it (1830)

On 10/30/2009 at 6:11am - money - by WTF (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I wore my kilt to the university I attend. Getting tired of the stares which I was receiving, I yelled "It's cause its too big to fit in my pants". As soon as the words left my mouth, a gust of wind came and blew my kilt up around my waist, revealing that my previous claim was untrue. FML

#6053376
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9635) - you deserved it (50427)

On 10/29/2009 at 10:31am - misc - by TrueScotsman (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

#5769209
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7519) - you deserved it (107087)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:40am - health - by zappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, the disgruntled ex-boyfriend of a woman who lives three floors down from me slashed her tires for breaking up with him. He also, for good measure, slashed the tires of the person parked to the left and right of her. I was parked to the right of her. FML

#5743419
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32663) - you deserved it (1793)

On 10/09/2009 at 5:34pm - misc - by sofked (man) - United States (New York)



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