birdman19

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birdman19

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 19 July 1991 (24 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4361
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

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birdman19's page activity

Visits<b></b> - the 01/24/2011 at 2:39am

birdman19's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

birdman19's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up and felt that my arm was sore. I got so drunk last night, I got an unprofessional tattoo of a penis. FML

by Anonymous / 01/08/2010 at 6:48am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the DMV to renew my license. When I gave the woman behind the desk my name and social security number she looked confused. She then called over her manager, who did the same thing. Getting nervous, I asked what was wrong. Apparently according to the state of Illinois I'm dead. FML

by driver / 01/06/2010 at 9:55am / United States (Illinois) / Transportation

Today, I woke up with bruised nipples because apparently my boyfriend likes to excessively play with them while I sleep. FML

by sore / 01/04/2010 at 6:30am / Intimacy

Today, I crossed a one-way street after looking for oncoming traffic only to be hit by a car driving in reverse. FML

by Davios / 12/27/2009 at 3:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML

by BathroomMuch / 12/25/2009 at 11:15am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I had one more gift to buy: a copy of Fight Club. I asked a person working at Best Buy if they had any in stock. The man wouldn't sell me the last copy because I had broken the first two rules. FML

by Anonymous / 12/24/2009 at 3:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to attach fifteen-pound weights to each foot so I could burn some extra calories while shoveling snow. My dad asked me to move one of the cars in the driveway. When I put my foot on the gas pedal, I couldn't take it off. I ended up hitting my sister and knocking her into a snow bank. FML

by Klamp18 / 12/20/2009 at 3:28pm / United States (New York) / Transportation

Today, I chipped my tooth on a beer bottle. While I was drinking alone in my basement. FML

by Stella / 12/19/2009 at 10:30pm / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Miscellaneous

Today, I leave Ireland after a 5 month study abroad. Today also happens to be the day that the price of alcohol decreases by 30%, the dollar increases by 15% and the girl I have been chasing the whole time, to no avail, finally decides to show an interest in me. FML

by exchange / 12/17/2009 at 12:00am / Ireland (Limerick) / Money

Today, I was on AIM talking to a really cute guy, whom I've had a crush on for forever, when he asked me to video chat. I got so excited and immediately pressed accept, without thinking. Not until he started screaming and cursing did I realize that I was still using my laptop on the toilet. FML

by toiletgirl / 12/14/2009 at 6:26pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I let my boyfriend finger me for the first time. Today, I also learned, after fifteen very, very long minutes of it, how to fake an orgasm. FML

by Anonymous / 12/13/2009 at 12:19am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was doing a study on homeless people and how they manage to stay alive on the streets. Turns out the one I was studying today was given more money than I make in a week. FML

by Anonymous / 12/11/2009 at 2:23am / Australia (Queensland) / Money

Today, I fell asleep with my hands down my pants. I woke up to an excruciating pain coming from my genitalea. It turns out that I was having nightmares and I squeezed my balls because I was so terrified. I popped 3 blood vessels in my scrotum and now walk with a limp. FML

by Ballhugger / 12/06/2009 at 3:42pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, at 4am, I remembered that I had not studied for my Spanish exam. I panicked, jumped out of bed, and frantically began searching for my notebook. It wasn't until I destroyed my desk and woke up my roommate that I realized that I'm not enrolled in Spanish this semester. It was a nightmare. FML

by Stressmess / 11/30/2009 at 7:19pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up and rolled out of bed. I'm on the top mattress of a bunk bed. We have tile floors. FML

by Anonymous / 11/30/2009 at 4:35pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous