Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

birdfreak

Search for a member

birdfreak

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 10829
  • Number of comments : 496
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 19 posted

About birdfreak : Stuff about me is supposed to go here, but I have nothing interesting to say...
Have a lovely day!

birdfreak's page activity

Visits<b>starlandmarie</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 3:29pm<b>03stroker03</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 9:16pm<b>hasanjk</b> - the 02/18/2015 at 9:51am<b>Amiiii</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 7:33am<b>Zach_attack_</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 1:39pm<b>Nailpolishaholic</b> - the 01/23/2015 at 4:29am<b>KK_Kam</b> - the 01/13/2015 at 10:51pm<b>Sober_CJ</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 5:58pm<b>justanormalone</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 7:44am<b>eminemineminem</b> - the 12/22/2014 at 3:58pm<b>daximoose</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 2:35pm<b>cheese7272</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 4:42am<b>Toughsky</b> - the 11/27/2014 at 1:38am<b>mommy2cassidy</b> - the 11/19/2014 at 9:11pm<b>sspence</b> - the 11/04/2014 at 5:11pm<b>taintedtruffle</b> - the 10/15/2014 at 11:40pm<b>Franniee_</b> - the 09/30/2014 at 3:29pm<b>poncho55</b> - the 09/09/2014 at 2:26pm

birdfreak's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of birdfreak's badges

birdfreak's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out that I am "un-promotable" to the job that I have been promised for the last two years because, I "don't suffer idiots well." Idiots. FML

Today, I woke up to a mouse sitting on my pillow and chewing on my hair. FML

#21271220
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35676) - you deserved it (3037)

On 10/05/2014 at 1:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I found out I'm allergic to condoms. Which would be great if my girlfriend wasn't allergic to birth control. FML

#21270163
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43295) - you deserved it (3655)

On 10/03/2014 at 3:04pm - health - by oncehipjr (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a round of applause. Too bad it was from my thighs as I went down the stairs. FML

Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML

#21267650
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42991) - you deserved it (3831)

On 09/29/2014 at 12:48pm - health - by impure - United States

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

#21266933
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48042) - you deserved it (3546)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:30am - intimacy - by tw@ (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35799) - you deserved it (3659)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning on having sex. He first excused himself to the bathroom, then returned with a sad face saying he had fumbled with himself in the bathroom to get "ready" and accidentally came. He said, "I was thinking of you though." FML

Today, after a solid month of hard work, I finally finished modeling and animating a 3D insect character for a scene. After presenting it to the rest of my team, one of my teammates pointed out that it looks exactly like a flying penis. FML

#21263953
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29518) - you deserved it (5124)

On 09/23/2014 at 5:12pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I can't go on watching season 8 of The Big Bang Theory, not because of the steady decline of the show's quality, but because I can't stand Penny's new haircut. FML

#21263705
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28978) - you deserved it (17243)

On 09/23/2014 at 8:48am - misc - by shelookslikemiley - Australia

Today, it's the first day of fall. It's also the day that over 20 people have made jokes about my name being "Autumn" like they're the funniest, most original people alive. It's not even 8 am. This is going to be a long day. FML

#21263689
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31531) - you deserved it (2897)

On 09/23/2014 at 8:00am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

#21263362
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35707) - you deserved it (4846)

On 09/22/2014 at 8:23pm - love - by Serire (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got hit by a car while riding my bike to work. In the hospital, every single nurse lectured me about how I wouldn't be here if I wore a helmet, which I'm sure would be really helpful to my broken leg. FML

#21262936
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37656) - you deserved it (4568)

On 09/22/2014 at 2:45am - health - by thebrokentardis (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, in college, we were asked at what age girls tend to become physically attractive. Wrongly thinking the answer was in relation to puberty, I said "Umm... 11 or 12?" Now everyone thinks I'm some kind of pedophile. FML

#21259479
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38628) - you deserved it (8718)

On 09/16/2014 at 2:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had made a cup of my favorite coffee, which I had recently found to be discontinued. To accompany this last cup, I went to get a muffin. As I turned around, I see my son pouring the cup out because I out put it next to the sink and he thought it was dirty. FML

#21258936
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33144) - you deserved it (6532)

On 09/15/2014 at 6:19pm - misc - by lucas_urev - United States (New York)



Mathilde Morieux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • The Best of the Worst #12
  • Another month, another bunch of shitposts. Yes, it's time to delve into the postbag and have another look at the weird and wonderful stuff we've been sent by people from all over the world. Hope you…

Tuesday 3 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: