Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

birdfreak

Offline (9 hours ago) | Search for a member

birdfreak

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7246
  • Number of comments : 496
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 19 posted

About birdfreak : Art is my life, music is my everything. I love hookah.
Obsessed with the stars.
Being myself (whoever that is).
Message me if you want, but not because of how "hot" I am. That bothers me.

birdfreak's page activity

Visits<b>auroxtra</b> - the 08/02/2014 at 2:46pm<b>Crusher74</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 9:23pm<b>nineteen99</b> - the 07/29/2014 at 12:45pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 07/26/2014 at 11:18am<b>Zero_TAlent_</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 10:44am<b>ares99</b> - the 07/09/2014 at 4:06pm<b>masonthemidget</b> - the 07/06/2014 at 4:42pm<b>ortega0607</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 11:21pm<b>Nevracceptdefeat</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 7:10pm<b>gunner_12</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 4:36pm<b>adamant84</b> - the 06/22/2014 at 11:29pm<b>swampbaby985</b> - the 06/18/2014 at 3:39am<b>drewigi</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 2:54am<b>Lilly2shoes</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 11:52pm<b>brittanyx00</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 9:28pm<b>nightwings</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 2:56pm<b>tshurtz722</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 8:23am<b>ah_de_lee_ts</b> - the 06/11/2014 at 1:42am

birdfreak's FML badges

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of birdfreak's badges

birdfreak's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend, because he's too manipulative. By the time our chat ended, instead of being single, I'm somehow now committed to going on vacation with him and his family. FML

#21216217
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43945) - you deserved it (13349)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:58am - love - by whatjusthappened - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was carrying my four-month-old son in a checkout line. An older couple behind us remarked that I would spoil my son if I carried him everywhere. My son responded by projectile vomiting all over the wife, then looked at me and giggled. FML

Today, I went to a market. I saw stall which had mainly animal furs and things like that. I found a rounded, furry pen and stroked my cheek with it. Wondering what it was, being so soft and oddly shaped, I checked the tag. It was kangaroo testicles. FML

#21211381
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36137) - you deserved it (17546)

On 07/16/2014 at 11:31pm - misc - by happypineapple - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I babysat a 9-year-old kid for the first time. The moment his parents left the house, the little shit looked me dead in the eyes and let me know that if I didn't let him do whatever he wanted, he'd tell his parents that I touched him in his "no-no place". Suddenly I hate kids. FML

#21210892
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50494) - you deserved it (3348)

On 07/16/2014 at 2:56pm - kids - by fuck you, kid (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I accidentally twisted my balls in my own underwear so badly that I had to be hospitalized. FML

#21207158
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42286) - you deserved it (6992)

On 07/12/2014 at 4:19pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was interviewing a woman for a job. She told me that she may need days off because of her artistic son. I jokingly replied, "Does he color on the walls or something?" She then stared at me with a weird look on her face. Autistic, her son is autistic. FML

#21205262
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37878) - you deserved it (19618)

On 07/10/2014 at 6:17pm - work - by dammit hearing aid - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went on a job interview. The interviewer said it all went well, but he can't hire me because I've got a nose piercing, and that type of "image" isn't the kind they're looking for in their employees. This is the guy who had a full sleeve tattoo. FML

#21200605
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43042) - you deserved it (7152)

On 07/06/2014 at 2:06pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML

#21198613
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37951) - you deserved it (3987)

On 07/04/2014 at 3:41pm - kids - by neryc (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my son got a beating. Apparently, he went to a club, waited until he saw a couple of girls pulling a duckface for a photo, then rushed over and threw pieces of bread at them. Their boyfriends, not too surprisingly, didn't appreciate this. I had to drive the idiot home from the hospital. FML

#21190541
202 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42854) - you deserved it (6120)

On 06/27/2014 at 5:15pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I'm a college student working at Dollar Tree. The signs hanging every 10 ft, plastered on every box, every wall, every corner, say "Everything's $1." Someone asked me how much something was, because there was no price tag. This happens multiple times a day. FML

#21189564
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44437) - you deserved it (4365)

On 06/26/2014 at 8:07pm - work - by E.B. (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I got written up for drinking on the job by a manager who drinks on the job, who was told to write me up by a general manager who drinks on the job, and we are all employed by an owner who drinks on the job. I haven't had a drink in 3 weeks. FML

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

#21180841
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40898) - you deserved it (9222)

On 06/19/2014 at 4:10pm - work - by fuckmyjob (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my laziness reached an all-time high. I had a dream that I was at school and had spilled all the contents of my backpack onto the floor. I then purposely shook myself out of my sleep to avoid cleaning up the mess in my dream. FML

#21176688
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43943) - you deserved it (9917)

On 06/16/2014 at 12:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to go to the police station after my son got arrested for shoplifting 15 packs of gum. He got away with it at first, but got busted when he tried to return it all because he "didn't like the flavor". FML

#21170087
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49237) - you deserved it (8214)

On 06/10/2014 at 8:39pm - kids - by idiotson - United States (New York)

Today, I put my headphones on and laid down to relax to some music. I fell asleep, and woke up later to a police officer busting into my house. My neighbor had been knocking on my door, then looked through my window and saw me on my couch, and was convinced I'd died. FML

#21168349
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49266) - you deserved it (4817)

On 06/09/2014 at 3:37pm - misc - by I'm Not Dead Yet - United States (Arizona)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #2: In slow-moving hell
  • It was once a dream, now it’s come true. We’re at the place that was allocated months ago for preprogrammed, enforced holiday fun time. We’ve put on some cargo shorts, slipped on some of those…

Wednesday 13 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: