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birdfreak

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birdfreak

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 13270
  • Number of comments : 496
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 20 posted

About birdfreak : Stuff about me is supposed to go here, but I have nothing interesting to say...
Have a lovely day!

birdfreak's page activity

Visits<b>Nail7777</b> - the 08/12/2015 at 6:10am<b>RawrPancaked</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 1:47pm<b>fishingforubies2</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 8:58pm<b>AscendV</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 1:39am<b>hfudge</b> - the 07/22/2015 at 1:28pm<b>ricardof</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 9:04pm<b>toasty_narwals</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 2:11pm<b>raven83</b> - the 06/11/2015 at 12:34pm<b>lil_jimmy</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 4:42am<b>nerdtron430</b> - the 05/30/2015 at 7:34pm<b>sh4rpestl1ves</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 2:49pm<b>aredvulpix</b> - the 04/29/2015 at 11:16pm<b>Zach_attack_</b> - the 04/22/2015 at 7:19am<b>Cian_1</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 7:07pm<b>missmorggan</b> - the 03/22/2015 at 10:06pm<b>Mukuro</b> - the 03/11/2015 at 1:26pm<b>starlandmarie</b> - the 02/28/2015 at 3:29pm<b>03stroker03</b> - the 02/20/2015 at 9:16pm

birdfreak's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of birdfreak's badges

birdfreak's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate. It was his first time, which I guess explains him sticking his hand down my panties and practically bitch-slapping my vagina for the next 20 or 30 seconds. I stupidly faked an orgasm just to get him to stop. Now he thinks he's some kind of sex god. FML

#21450109
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16886) - you deserved it (27364)

On 07/31/2015 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after hours of waiting in line, I finally met my favorite band. After posing for a picture, I looked at my phone to find that instead of taking a picture with me and the band, my friend took selfies. FML

Today, I ruined a $1,500 laptop with a 69¢ bowl of ramen noodles. FML

#21428240
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26963) - you deserved it (12568)

On 06/18/2015 at 7:29pm - money - by fuckstudentloans - United States (California)

Today, during jury duty, the shitbag who's accused of capital murder in our trial took the stand. The prosecution made him look like a total idiot. He got more and more flustered and eventually screamed at us that he'll have us killed if we find him guilty. I believe him. FML

#21421289
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27302) - you deserved it (2392)

On 06/05/2015 at 2:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, as I was walking to work, a cyclist shot out of nowhere and slammed into me. I hit the ground hard and lay there in agony. The guy quickly dusted himself off, said "Sorry man. It's a vicious cycle." then chuckled at his own stupid pun and cycled away. FML

#21387543
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32006) - you deserved it (2505)

On 04/04/2015 at 1:32pm - health - by fuck right off (man) - United Kingdom (Leicestershire)

Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

#21386342
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38691) - you deserved it (2091)

On 04/02/2015 at 2:43am - health - by usadisvet (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I got in an argument with an ex-girlfriend who kept tactlessly bragging to me about her new boyfriend. I told her to read what she'd sent me, then pretend her boyfriend was telling her that. Fifteen minutes later, her boyfriend calls me, yelling for making her feel sad. FML

#21384606
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30792) - you deserved it (3591)

On 03/31/2015 at 5:35am - love - by lucasbeck99 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML

#21384025
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39491) - you deserved it (3520)

On 03/30/2015 at 6:30am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had my first therapy session for the issues caused by trying to please my overbearing, paranoid, self-centred mother. The first thing she did after we started driving home? Ranting at me and demanding to know if I'd been "talking shit" about her to my therapist FML

#21382942
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28080) - you deserved it (2065)

On 03/28/2015 at 11:50am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (West Sussex)

Today, my school had to make an official announcement that students were not permitted to go home due to Zayn Malik leaving One Direction because so many girls were claiming they couldn't focus on school with such a dramatic event occurring. FML

#21381783
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39262) - you deserved it (3380)

On 03/26/2015 at 9:20am - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, after telling my audience of preschoolers and parents that I'd been performing magic since I was a kid in 1995, a 4-year-old got more laughter and applause than I did in my entire act by gasping, "1995? You should be dead by now!" FML

#21380814
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26504) - you deserved it (2534)

On 03/24/2015 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML

#21379710
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34061) - you deserved it (6992)

On 03/22/2015 at 8:32pm - misc - by oooooops (man) - United States

Today, I was so drunk that I forgot how to use the key to my front door. But I knew how to break a window, get into my locked basement, and unlock the basement door with my front door's key. FML

#21374433
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22687) - you deserved it (15322)

On 03/14/2015 at 12:52pm - misc - by nomorealcoholeva - Norway (Nordland)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I rolled up a newspaper and smashed a huge spider in my room. As I went to scoop it up with a tissue, it lurched away and fell near my bed. I can't find it, but I can sure as fuck sense the pure evil coming from it. Looks like I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight. FML

#21369803
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (117) - you deserved it (4931)

On 03/07/2015 at 7:14am - animals - by farksh (woman) - Australia

Today, I figured out how my birth control works. If you're on your period for four months straight you can't have sex, so you won't be pregnant. FML

#21351947
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33791) - you deserved it (3420)

On 02/08/2015 at 5:26am - health - by irwingiggles (woman) - Netherlands



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