Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About bestnameright : I'm too awesome to describe in so little space.... But I guess I'll try. First off, yes I'm ginger and a Jew. I don't really care if you make jokes about it as long as they're not too serious and they're funny... On that note my favorite Jew joke is: why do Jewish men get circumcised? Because Jewish woman like everything 20% off! My favorite commenters on this site are: thesqueaky chipmunk (all time favorite), DocBastard, and Perdix. My profile picture is a painting of some presidents in a mural in DC where I live.
You can message me but you probably get a response because I mainly use the app (well now you'll always get a response since the app has messaging :). I don't mind some bad spelling and grammar but if it's really bad or we're having a comment war you're going to get called out. Hasn't this gone on for too long?
PS Please moderate FMLs, it leads to more recent FMLs to coming out soon!
One ring to rule them all
You submitted an FML that was successfully published on the website. This makes you an exceptional human being.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Today, I was debating with my now ex-boyfriend over the ethics of using torture in interrogations of suspected criminals. It took just ten minutes before he freely admitted that he'd have no problem "torturing the shit" out of me if he even suspected I was seeing another man. FML
Today, I was on the bus when I felt a big yawn coming on, one so big that my mouth stretched and my eyes closed. It was at this point that the strange man beside me decided to lean over at lightning speed and put his tongue in my mouth. Technically it was my first kiss. I'm 21 years old. FML
Today, I came out to my parents. I don't really fit any stereotype, I'm just an average guy who happens to be into guys. Ten minutes later, I overheard my mother say to my step-dad, "Should we redecorate his room pink?" FML
Today, I visited my mother's new apartment, and found a picture of yours truly hanging above her toilet, and I asked why it was there. She shrugged and said, "Because the thought of you makes me want to take a shit?" FML
Today, my sister and I were watching the Olympics. Michael Phelps was on the screen, and I was thinking how hot he is. My sister commented on how he looks so much like our brother. I can never look at either of them the same way ever again. FML
Today, at my job, an old lady kept calling her inhaler a blow job. I kindly explained to her why she couldn't call her inhaler that. She continued to ask me for a blow job in front of visitors. I had to say yes. FML
Today, I walked into my upstairs bathroom to find my mom's new boyfriend eating soup, naked on the toilet. In shock, I stepped back and fell down a flight of stairs, backwards, and hit my head on wall, leaving a dent in it. FML
Today, at work in a nursing home, I had to kill imaginary dogs in the lunch room, because they were evil and trying to eat everyone. This started with just one person seeing them, to all 30 of them screaming and freaking out. I spent 45 minutes killing imaginary dogs. FML
Today, I was in the hospital. I had recently broken my arm, and had to have it re-broken. I've secretly been a lesbian for years. Guess who came out to her strict Christian parents while on anesthetics. FML
Friday 5 February 2016