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About bestnameright : I'm too awesome to describe in so little space.... But I guess I'll try. First off, yes I'm ginger and a Jew. I don't really care if you make jokes about it as long as they're not too serious and they're funny... On that note my favorite Jew joke is: why do Jewish men get circumcised? Because Jewish woman like everything 20% off! My favorite commenters on this site are: thesqueaky chipmunk (all time favorite), DocBastard, and Perdix. My profile picture is a painting of some presidents in a mural in DC where I live.
You can message me but you probably get a response because I mainly use the app (well now you'll always get a response since the app has messaging :). I don't mind some bad spelling and grammar but if it's really bad or we're having a comment war you're going to get called out. Hasn't this gone on for too long?
PS Please moderate FMLs, it leads to more recent FMLs to coming out soon!
One ring to rule them all
You submitted an FML that was successfully published on the website. This makes you an exceptional human being.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
I agree, their lives suck
200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.
Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML
Today, my car window got smashed in. The cop that came to take the report said they'd already caught the guy doing it, he'd smashed in several other car windows, all of the exact same model and color. His reason for doing it was simple: he was drunk and "hated red Jeeps". FML
Today, some beefed-up guy wearing a wife-beater sat in my restaurant, took out a big sack of coins, and played My Little Pony songs on the jukebox for 4 hours straight. I couldn't summon the courage to tell him to leave. FML
Today, I sent in an assignment from my batshit insane teacher. The assignment was to read a poem, analyze it, and make a comic of its plot. This would've been fine if the teacher who assigned it to me didn't teach math. FML
Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML
Today, I was sitting on a train, doing homework for my programming class, when a man sat in the seat next to me. He must have been a programmer too, because he spent the next few hours staring at my screen and laughing whenever I made a mistake. FML
Today, my teenage daughter asked me how old I was when I lost my virginity. I sarcastically replied that I'm still a virgin. She looked at me blankly and said, "Jeez, no wonder you're so uptight. You need to get laid, mom." FML
Today, I was watching TV with my mom, when a plumbing ad came on. A hot guy showed up on-screen and said "I'm here to snake your drain." My mom immediately piped up with, "Oh, I'd let him snake my drain any day." Thanks for that imagery, mom. FML
Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML
Friday 5 February 2016