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by Anonymous / 10/14/2009 at 4:21am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work
by Dora / 10/12/2009 at 9:21am / Canada (Ontario) / Money
Today, my wife got the flu. While she was sleeping, I went out to buy her some soup and other things. When I was walking back through the door, she woke up, thought I was a burglar, and threw the closest thing to her at me. What was it? A cactus. FML
by prickly / 10/11/2009 at 12:48pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by oxjessiiox / 10/11/2009 at 11:42am / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Miscellaneous
Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML
by BEE / 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by kissless / 10/10/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Maine) / Love
Today, I was sitting on a park bench with my very elderly grandfather while listening to music at a low volume. Suddenly, he turned to me and said very loudly, "I DIDN'T KNOW YOU HAD AIDS!" I received strange looks from everyone because he mistook my ear buds for a hearing aid. FML
by Missy / 09/09/2009 at 4:16pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by JuicyJohn / 09/08/2009 at 9:33pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking with my husband, holding hands, when a man with a rainbow shirt on came up to us. He said, "I'm so glad that gay men can go out in public without being embarassed nowdays!" He patted me on the back and walked away. I'm a woman. FML
by offendedfemme / 08/25/2009 at 10:16pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my family bet me $20 to wear a Disney Princess hat for the entire day around a theme park. I am 17 years old. We decided to go for lunch in one of the restaurants. After we finished, a woman gave my parents a leaflet on how to cope with disabled children. FML
by Becky / 08/21/2009 at 7:51pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was holding my baby daughter during a checkup. To reassure her, I was kissing the back of her head while the Dr. was checking her hearing. After a few minutes, I realized the Dr. had put his hand to steady her head. I was kissing his hand. FML
by smoochie / 08/01/2009 at 5:37pm / Miscellaneous
by Jeweler / 06/26/2009 at 2:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I overheard my dad's friend complaining to my dad that his new baby boy is a ginger. I continued listening, and heard my dad saying, "Yeah, there's nothing worse than having a ginger." I'm his daughter. I'm a ginger. FML
by Deirbhile / 05/03/2009 at 12:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my 6 year old granddaughter was sitting on my lap playing with the rings on my fingers. After a moment, she pointed to a gold ring with many jewels and said, "When you die can I have that one?" FML
by itswhateverr / 05/03/2009 at 12:16am / United States (New York) / Kids
Today, my 6 year old daughter asked me, "what would happen to me if you and daddy died?". I told her that she'd probably live with her Uncle Ant and Aunt Ilene. She looked at me and said "You guys can die. I won't cry. I get everything I want over there." FML
by Anonymous / 05/02/2009 at 4:12am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…