In college, love Philly sports teams, music, playing guitar, politics, and more. I like to think I'm a pretty nice, funny guy :)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a 24-hour taco shop, while he was wearing a tee-shirt that says "F*** Me I'm Famous." FML
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On 10/31/2009 at 12:47pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I drunkenly made out with my 65 year-old married female boss. I'm a 21 year-old male intern. I have a feeling work will be awkward tomorrow. FML
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On 08/08/2009 at 6:16pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML
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On 08/02/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by dam01 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
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On 07/26/2009 at 12:37am - intimacy - by PTKFML (woman) - United States
Today, while my boyfriend and I were having sex, he suddenly stopped and walked to the kitchen. He decided to bake chocolate chip cookies in the midst of our intimacy. However, he told me we could still continue while the oven preheated. FML
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On 07/24/2009 at 5:30pm - intimacy - by jcooh0lla (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I found out my parents joined the mile high club. While I was on the plane. FML
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On 05/24/2009 at 10:17pm - intimacy - by boardman (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was masturbating in the dark with the door open. I thought I saw a figure outside my door, because I didn't have my glasses on. After intensely staring at the dark figure for about a minute, thinking it was my imagination, my stepdad said, "you know, I am looking RIGHT at you," FML
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On 05/03/2009 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by danggit3290 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he thinks about long term relationships. He said, "Our relationship is kinda like having a dog. Chances are, your dog is going to die pretty quickly, before you do. Dogs and humans just aren't meant to be together forever." He compared me to a dying dog. FML
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On 04/19/2009 at 4:49pm - love - by wvugirl (woman) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I was woken up to my mom playing the piano awfully. I screamed down the stairs "you suck, stop playing!" Turns out it was my 5 year old cousin playing a recital. For my entire family. FML
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On 04/15/2009 at 1:14am - misc - by christinabear (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I performed in my school play. Right before my big solo, I noticed a few girls changing backstage and I became aroused. The play was Jesus Christ Superstar, and I was playing Jesus. All I was wearing was a little cloth, so the whole audience saw Jesus get hard during the crucifixion. FML
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On 04/14/2009 at 11:27pm - intimacy - by jizzlemonster13 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I was cuddling with the guy I like. I looked into his eyes and said, "Your eyes are so blue, like the ocean." He replied by saying, "Your eyes are so brown... like my shit". FML
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On 04/12/2009 at 1:06am - love - by s3rp (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of a ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. 'Shrek' was sitting beside me. FML
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On 04/07/2009 at 7:46am - misc - by Brastro (man) - Ireland (Kildare)
Today, I was going to have sex with my hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "pollo frito". I then proceeded to have sex, constantly screaming pollo frito for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
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On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I work at a Subway Sandwich store right next to a big hospital. There was a big line of people all getting their subs toasted. Without turning around, I ask the next person in line "I bet you want yours extra toasted?" She was a burns victim from the hospital. FML
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On 04/05/2009 at 9:48am - work - by 00Evan (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I saw a lesbian couple walking through the mall. One of the ladies walked up to me in the middle of the busy mall and started screaming at me about how rude it is to stare, and how we are all equal- straight or not. I was only staring because I'm a lesbian too, and they were hot. FML
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On 04/02/2009 at 10:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
