Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

beef_weezle

Search for a member

beef_weezle
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 840
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

beef_weezle's last visitors

beef_weezle's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of beef_weezle's badges

beef_weezle's favorite FMLs

Today, as a joke, my friends pushed me into the men's restroom and held the door shut. As I was trying to push the door open, I heard a voice behind me say, "Wow. Immaturity, huh?" I turned to find a guy taking a dump in one of the urinals. FML

#20757332
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52594) - you deserved it (3336)

On 07/01/2013 at 1:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I hid my parents' booze since I'd always thought their shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out they're just assholes. FML

#20756642
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48902) - you deserved it (8234)

On 06/30/2013 at 7:48pm - misc - by Acidic Donut - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to remove a glass bottle, complete with an ineffective pullstring, from a patient's rectum. He claimed that he'd accidentally sat on it, and later threatened to sue me for every penny if I breathed a word of it to anyone. Oops, looks like I just did. FML

#20752893
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47741) - you deserved it (5504)

On 06/28/2013 at 5:59pm - work - by DocKreso (man) - Croatia (Splitsko-Dalmatinska)

Today, while using a urinal in a very busy mall bathroom, another man unzipped his pants and attempted to use the same one as me. FML

#20751757
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47687) - you deserved it (2692)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:16am - health - by not cool (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after asking my psychiatrist about natural alternatives to medication for my depression, she replied, "Why not Zoidberg?" FML

#20744996
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27584) - you deserved it (5235)

On 06/24/2013 at 6:12pm - health - by thanksdoc (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was teasing my 6-year-old sister about having a boyfriend. I asked her, "Did he take his shirt off?" She promptly said no. A few minutes later, she said, "But he did take his pants off." I then asked why. She said, "To show me his penis." FML

#20743211
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48684) - you deserved it (6843)

On 06/23/2013 at 7:36pm - kids - by joe - United States (Maryland)

Today, it's been weeks since some asshat started placing gnomes in my front and back yards. I resorted to setting up cameras, which I thought had deterred the idiot, until I walked into my kitchen this morning and found two gnomes on the counter. Nothing on the tapes. I'm freaking out here. FML

#20742609
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53828) - you deserved it (3197)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:02pm - misc - by ilivealoneandwhatthefuck (man) - Guam

Today, my wife made me moist cat food burgers as a prank. I didnt have the heart to tell her that they tasted better than the ones she usually makes. FML

#20742017
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44038) - you deserved it (3574)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:05am - misc - by kittybad - United States

Today, I found out I'm going to be a grandfather. I'm 29, my son is 13 and the girl in question is 16. FML

#20731946
432 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57303) - you deserved it (35814)

On 06/17/2013 at 6:49pm - kids - by young grandpa - United States (Georgia)

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

#20731352
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61851) - you deserved it (2810)

On 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by hinting (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my husband threw up on me during our wedding vows. FML

#20728616
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51306) - you deserved it (3909)

On 06/16/2013 at 12:54am - love - by fun (man) - United States

Today, at a family reunion, my visibly drunk grandparents heard about my new boyfriend, who is a cop. My gran asked if he ever made me feel like Rodney King in the bedroom. Then my grandpa, fresh off a DUI, asked if my boyfriend's dick is as bent as the police force. FML

#20727456
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37325) - you deserved it (3431)

On 06/15/2013 at 1:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my restaurant's food is so bad that the only reason some people visit is because they're punishing their kids. FML

#20715456
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42590) - you deserved it (12585)

On 06/09/2013 at 1:38pm - work - by not the cook (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. She pulled down my trousers, saw my Poke-ball boxers, and absolutely lost it. I had to lie next to her in bed for the next 10 minutes hearing her howl with laughter while crying "Dickachu, I choose you!" FML

#20711208
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48325) - you deserved it (57905)

On 06/07/2013 at 3:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I got the bill for the flowers my husband arranged to be delivered to me while he's out of town next week. I also got the bill for the flowers he's sending to the floozy he'll be seeing next week while he's out of town. The gift tag for it was: "I can't wait to see you." FML

#20706851
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50508) - you deserved it (2826)

On 06/05/2013 at 1:02am - love - by Justme (woman) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: