beef_weezle

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beef_weezle

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 5130
  • Number of comments : 27
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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beef_weezle's page activity

Visits<b>pattip111</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 2:01pm<b>kpoakes</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 2:11pm<b>vintral88</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 11:41pm<b>mgrazi99</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 11:38pm<b>ibeliebvatic</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 2:49pm<b>Justinr017</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 1:42pm<b>mrmcmuffins</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 1:18pm

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beef_weezle's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2016 at 6:03am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, I tested out my new paintball gun by firing a few rounds into some thick bushes. Nothing could've prepared me for the angry swarm of hornets whose nest I'd apparently shot. I'm in so much pain. FML

by someone euthanize me / 01/16/2016 at 3:17am / Health

Today, as a natural science teacher, I was drawing a uterus on the class chalkboard. One of my students started messing around and being noisy, so I shouted, "Be quiet and check out my uterus!" FML

by sciencenat / 01/14/2016 at 1:36am / Work

Today, sewage came up the toilet and tub in my apartment and spread far enough to get into the hallway. The maintenance crew found the source of the blocked pipes to be a ten inch long weave some idiot flushed down a toilet. FML

by NeedsANewApartment / 01/13/2016 at 12:54am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend launched her own business. I was recently laid off from my job, so I offered to be her very first employee. I now have the glamorous job of bleaching people's assholes. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2016 at 1:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my roommate's friend rustling in the attic without permission to be there. When I asked how he got in with all doors and windows locked, he simply said, "It's a secret." FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2016 at 4:52pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

 Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML

by JoseIsAdork / 01/11/2016 at 1:03pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I recently burned both my hands at work so I had to ask my husband for help changing my tampon, but he refused saying it would make him feel sick. This from the man who routinely sticks his tongue in my asshole when we have sex. FML

by anne / 01/07/2016 at 7:00am / Germany / Intimacy

Today, I discovered my dog humping my sister's five month old baby while babysitting. FML

by Sleep_lover654 / 01/07/2016 at 1:46am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my 4 year old's heavily pregnant teacher pulled me aside and asked me to talk to my son about "boundaries". Apparently, he asked her if she was going to "boobie feed" him and listed a few reasons why she should and why formula is bad, in front of the entire class. FML

by sammylynnp / 01/07/2016 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I finally got myself settled into bed around 2 in the morning after a very long day. My cat started to snuggle with me when I smelled something disgusting. Turns out my cat sharted in my bed. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2016 at 1:54am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I found out my ex started a Tumblr where she posts one photo a day. Each photo being a pic I texted her over the course of our relationship. My office, the bars I like to go to, favorite restaurants, my mom's place, my place, my penis, etc. FML

by ywouldudomelikethat / 01/03/2016 at 3:02pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend told me I sound like a squeaky toy during sex, and asked if I could get it under control because it creeps him out. FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2016 at 4:41am / Switzerland (Zurich) / Intimacy

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 5:31pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I have a stomach bug. I went to go downstairs, and my cat decided to dart between my legs, causing me to trip and fall down the stairs in a pinwheel of vomit. FML

by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 12:17am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health