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beef_weezle

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beef_weezle

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  • Number of visits : 1490
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Visits<b>Justinr017</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 1:42pm<b>mgrazi99</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 6:15pm<b>mrmcmuffins</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 1:18pm

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

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beef_weezle's favorite FMLs

Today, I was eating breakfast at an IHOP. As I was eating, the old man sitting directly behind me started discussing every aspect of his spastic colon, in vivid detail. FML

#14809738
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20258) - you deserved it (2610)

On 02/02/2011 at 9:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me the thing that gets him really horny. Apple sauce. FML

#14786538
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29571) - you deserved it (5182)

On 01/31/2011 at 10:47am - intimacy - by Username -

Today, I was chosen by my coworkers to explain to my elderly boss that ''tossing the salad'' isn't another expression for saying ''brainstorming''. She didn't believe me. Guess we will all keep ''tossing the salad'' for new ideas each afternoon. FML

#14646268
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21728) - you deserved it (2820)

On 01/20/2011 at 1:01am - intimacy - by welly223 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my mom duly informed me I'm the reason people have middle fingers. FML

#14413679
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25476) - you deserved it (5735)

On 12/31/2010 at 8:16pm - misc - by edulover (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

#14333152
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41813) - you deserved it (8755)

On 12/25/2010 at 8:38am - intimacy - by Jessie - United States (Texas)

Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML

#14330238
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28904) - you deserved it (3128)

On 12/25/2010 at 1:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, the horn in my car decided to malfunction. It honked continuously for an hour as I drove down the highway. FML

#14315930
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24861) - you deserved it (2521)

On 12/23/2010 at 9:21pm - misc - by nick (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I came to the realization I make a living trimming the hair off dogs' privates. I've touched more dog penises than I have human ones, and sometimes the dogs get "excited" while I'm working. FML

#14212357
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30825) - you deserved it (6422)

On 12/15/2010 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by penisgrabber - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was driving with my dog. Looking out the half-open window he stepped on the switch, the window went up, causing his head to get stuck. I looked down and he had scared the shit out of himself, all over my shirt. FML

#14208425
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25623) - you deserved it (9248)

On 12/14/2010 at 11:24pm - animals - by fufu_mutt (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was driving my family home, when my 7 year old son had to pee. Having long since passed any rest stops, I made him use a bottle. Once he was done, he grenaded the bottle out the window, hitting someone's windshield dead on. FML

#14186917
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10437) - you deserved it (30455)

On 12/13/2010 at 2:35am - misc - by wtfson -

Today, I had to clean bathroom duties at work. Someone wrote "Merry Christmas" on the wall in their own shit. FML

#14160677
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34779) - you deserved it (2322)

On 12/10/2010 at 11:59pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wonderful boyfriend asked me if I wanted him to cook me scrambled eggs with sausage for breakfast. When I said yes, he pulled out his junk, and started shaking it violently in my face. FML

#14058992
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34292) - you deserved it (9473)

On 12/02/2010 at 10:54am - intimacy - by sissydlk (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML

#14029442
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38047) - you deserved it (4773)

On 11/29/2010 at 10:03pm - kids - by Laura -

Today, I caught my daughter attempting to stick pencils up our cat's butt. FML

#14029442
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38047) - you deserved it (4773)

On 11/29/2010 at 10:03pm - kids - by Laura -

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

#13975115
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24740) - you deserved it (6903)

On 11/25/2010 at 1:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Singapore



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