Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

beef_weezle

Offline (the 02/05/2016 at 8:34pm) | Search for a member

beef_weezle

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4238
  • Number of comments : 20
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

beef_weezle's page activity

Visits<b>pattip111</b> - yesterday at 2:01pm<b>kpoakes</b> - the 02/05/2016 at 2:11pm<b>vintral88</b> - the 09/11/2015 at 11:41pm<b>mgrazi99</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 11:38pm<b>ibeliebvatic</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 2:49pm<b>Justinr017</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 1:42pm<b>mrmcmuffins</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 1:18pm

beef_weezle's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of beef_weezle's badges

beef_weezle's favorite FMLs

Today, I discovered that when you suddenly get channels that you didn't have before, it doesn't mean there was a glitch and you're getting free TV, it just means that your son called the cable company and had your plan changed so you get every conceivable channel at a hugely increased price. FML

#20515174
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35911) - you deserved it (5031)

On 02/20/2013 at 5:55pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

#20514475
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41313) - you deserved it (5761)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had to spend a few hours in a hospital with a toddler and a preschooler projecting vomit all over, because my husband thinks "expiration dates are for pussies." FML

#20511774
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39437) - you deserved it (4396)

On 02/18/2013 at 2:44am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my mom called me a "heartless bitch" for eating the last Hot Pocket. This is coming from a woman who, just last week, faked having cancer to get out of a speeding ticket. FML

#20511194
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37605) - you deserved it (2353)

On 02/17/2013 at 7:24pm - misc - by DontGetSlapped - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend taking pictures of his penis in a condom. When I asked him what the hell he was doing he told me that he was making a stop-motion film called "All Dressed Up with Nowhere to go." FML

#20510302
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42869) - you deserved it (9829)

On 02/17/2013 at 1:45am - intimacy - by Notaplacetogo (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML

#20509476
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33187) - you deserved it (7486)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm - money - by an idiot (man) - Australia

Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML

#20503125
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42811) - you deserved it (8400)

On 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm - intimacy - by thefriedman (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dog ate a whole case of my son's paintballs, because apparently they are made of a fish bi-product. Not only does the whole house smell like fish, there are countless bright yellow dog turds all over the house and our yard. FML

#20502144
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35256) - you deserved it (4265)

On 02/11/2013 at 10:48am - animals - by firestar772 - United States (California)

Today, my roommate found an eviction notice on our door for unpaid rent. Our apartment building caught fire and we haven't been living there for well over a month because it was legally unlivable. Today was our first day back. FML

#20500469
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33573) - you deserved it (2071)

On 02/10/2013 at 1:08am - money - by fireenginemad - United States (Washington)

Today, my kitten made it snow inside my house using a 12-pack of toilet paper. FML

#20495653
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27507) - you deserved it (5135)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (West Virginia)

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon" and ended the same conversation with "and that's why we should divorce." FML

#20495499
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47294) - you deserved it (4348)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:38am - love - by PokeWife (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML

#20494543
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39257) - you deserved it (3435)

On 02/05/2013 at 3:19pm - misc - by Experience (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my friend asked me to fix his laptop for him because it is loaded with viruses. When I turned it on and started searching for the problem, I couldn't find it. Luckily I was able to find a video of him banging my girlfriend. We've been together for eight years. FML

#20493182
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73993) - you deserved it (4325)

On 02/04/2013 at 3:17pm - intimacy - by hamandegger (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my girlfriend lost her virginity. I still have mine, though. FML

#20493004
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57232) - you deserved it (3743)

On 02/04/2013 at 12:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after heavy rain my street flooded. While in my living room, I looked outside to see that my elderly neighbour was outside splashing in a knee deep puddle. He was butt-naked and wearing a snorkel and flippers. FML

#20492744
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31152) - you deserved it (3520)

On 02/04/2013 at 4:15am - misc - by Stunned (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: