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beef_weezle

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beef_weezle

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  • Number of visits : 1137
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Visits<b>Justinr017</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 1:42pm<b>mgrazi99</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 6:15pm<b>mrmcmuffins</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 1:18pm

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beef_weezle's favorite FMLs

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26326) - you deserved it (2996)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML

#19633207
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8227) - you deserved it (33998)

On 05/16/2012 at 5:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
472 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47064) - you deserved it (4367)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)

Today, my fiancée called our engagement off, because apparently she's actually a complete idiot who will believe anything that a slimy con artist tells her. In this case, a "psychic" who mumbled some shit about me having "a dark aura." FML

#19628029
218 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26596) - you deserved it (3237)

On 05/15/2012 at 4:56pm - love - by waste of effort (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML

#19608717
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26335) - you deserved it (3814)

On 05/11/2012 at 7:52pm - misc - by Class (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML

#19603084
408 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57192) - you deserved it (3097)

On 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had to excuse myself from the classroom so I could have a quick wank. This was because I somehow got extremely horny during a lesson on frog reproduction. FML

#19598772
274 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10993) - you deserved it (36134)

On 05/09/2012 at 6:19pm - intimacy - by polimeros (man) - Mexico (Queretaro de Arteaga)

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he would still love me if I became a vegetable. His response: "Well, the sex wouldn't be any different." FML

#19591291
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16376) - you deserved it (29959)

On 05/08/2012 at 7:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I had a huge yard sale. Since I live in a good neighborhood, I decided to leave the stuff out tonight rather than pack it all in for only a few hours. The news didn't say anything about the impending severe thunderstorm. FML

#19580691
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6873) - you deserved it (28428)

On 05/06/2012 at 3:38am - misc - by penguindude82 - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my boyfriend gave me a surprise birthday present: herpes. FML

#19556007
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37643) - you deserved it (6601)

On 04/30/2012 at 11:01pm - intimacy - by lowlife123 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I shot a paintball gun at a bees' nest. The bees flew through my neighbors' windows and, for lack of a better word, slaughtered them. An ambulance was called, and I feel like a total dick. FML

#19554232
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8391) - you deserved it (54634)

On 04/30/2012 at 5:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was looking through my roommate's room trying to find a DVD, when I stumbled upon a bundle of pictures of me showering and sleeping. FML

Today, I woke up, got up, and felt something crunchy under my feet. My son thought it would be funny if he spread cat litter all around the house. Used cat litter. FML

#19536955
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22008) - you deserved it (2100)

On 04/27/2012 at 11:22am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML

#19531197
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7109) - you deserved it (29485)

On 04/26/2012 at 6:44am - work - by NoPrivacy (woman) - United States

Today, while putting on a load of laundry, I squeezed the detergent bottle and it made a noise like a woman's orgasm. After laughing, I realised that I'm probably too immature to be washing my own clothes. FML

#19521311
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9568) - you deserved it (23897)

On 04/24/2012 at 10:03am - intimacy - by mmmtortilla (woman) - Spain (Pais Vasco)



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  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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