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beef_weezle

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beef_weezle

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  • Number of visits : 3199
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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beef_weezle's favorite FMLs

Today, my parents gave me a sock and card for my eighteenth birthday. The card said, "Now that Dobby is free, get out." FML

#20118693
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28118) - you deserved it (3440)

On 10/15/2012 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML

#20114686
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23775) - you deserved it (2465)

On 10/13/2012 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
520 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75582) - you deserved it (8824)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got a text message from my boss that read, "You've been very bad. Severe punishment is in order." I'm not sure whether I should be turned on or terrified. FML

#20110308
153 comments

Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML

#20110144
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29114) - you deserved it (4848)

On 10/10/2012 at 4:43am - animals - by assholecat (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while working at the daycare, I had to clean the entire place. During the next four hours, I scooped up three human teeth, a rotten log of shit, a tire iron, a condom wrapper, and a yogurt that expired in 2003. I only cleaned the place a week ago. FML

#20106106
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25796) - you deserved it (1933)

On 10/07/2012 at 5:41pm - kids - by Skidmark Sally - United States (New Mexico)

Today, while working at the daycare, I had to clean the entire place. During the next four hours, I scooped up three human teeth, a rotten log of shit, a tire iron, a condom wrapper, and a yogurt that expired in 2003. I only cleaned the place a week ago. FML

#20106106
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25796) - you deserved it (1933)

On 10/07/2012 at 5:41pm - kids - by Skidmark Sally - United States (New Mexico)

Today, at around 11pm the police made a visit to my house, explaining how my neighbors had thought I was using a universal remote to change their television channels. FML

#20099119
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24350) - you deserved it (1436)

On 10/02/2012 at 9:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend told me he masturbates to the thought of me swimming in pancake syrup. FML

#20094500
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32042) - you deserved it (5408)

On 09/30/2012 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my laptop got hit by a Trojan. Not the malware, but a used condom thrown from a car driving past as I sat on a street bench. FML

#20091945
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32786) - you deserved it (2519)

On 09/28/2012 at 4:24am - intimacy - by iNearlyHurled - United States

Today, my roommate came out of the bathroom, and asked me how the scales knew her weight in both pounds and kilos, even though "the exchange rate is always changing." I actually live with this idiot. FML

Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML

#20079105
265 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30894) - you deserved it (3178)

On 09/19/2012 at 10:54am - misc - by LawStudent (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I stumbled across "Here Comes Honey Boo Boo" on TV and realized that these awful freaks are going to make more money than I ever will. FML

#20070573
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26185) - you deserved it (2705)

On 09/13/2012 at 6:29pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over to meet my parents. After dinner, we were in the living room talking. My dad thought it would be funny to grab our cat, stick it down his shirt, then pretend to give birth to it, with sound effects. FML

#20070030
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22930) - you deserved it (2120)

On 09/13/2012 at 8:37am - misc - by Sprtsgeek13 - United States (Maine)

Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML

#20066250
331 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18112) - you deserved it (70688)

On 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by killmenow - United States (Washington)



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