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beef_weezle

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beef_weezle

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 3311
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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Visits<b>mgrazi99</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 11:38pm<b>ibeliebvatic</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 2:49pm<b>Justinr017</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 1:42pm<b>mrmcmuffins</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 1:18pm

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beef_weezle's favorite FMLs

Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML

#21438523
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23888) - you deserved it (1666)

On 07/08/2015 at 1:45pm - love - by welpwelpwelp - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, while waiting the required 5 minutes for my hair removal cream to work, my cat rubbed all over my legs while I wasn't looking. After getting clawed to death throwing her in the bath to get the cream off, all her hair on that side fell off. I now have a half hairless cat. FML

#21438347
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22956) - you deserved it (3931)

On 07/08/2015 at 3:04am - animals - by coolcat10156 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, while swimming in my neighborhood pool, I noticed what looked like several cigarettes resting at the bottom and decided to investigate. Turns out it was actually just a used, bloody tampon that had spent enough time underwater to be broken into multiple pieces, and spread across the pool. FML

#21435503
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24457) - you deserved it (2045)

On 07/02/2015 at 6:31pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my husband asked me to buy a different brand of dish soap, as the one he was using wasn't working. After a quick look, I had to agree. The lemon cordial he had been using, while tasting nice, didn't really help clean the dishes. FML

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

#21432533
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31789) - you deserved it (2304)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was swimming my routine laps at the gym's pool and a man came in and swam in the adjacent lane. While swimming freestyle, I smelled a really nasty fart. Not a minute later, he hurriedly left. I didn't realize what he had done until I saw "floating particles" in the water. FML

#21431076
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29056) - you deserved it (1788)

On 06/24/2015 at 8:44am - health - by tantanpanda (man) - United States

Today, after all of the business cards for the car dealership that I work for were printed, the phone number was wrong, and the lady got so pissed about getting so many calls that she told them that they had won a free car. I had to tell dozens of ecstatic customers that they hadn't. FML

#21430788
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22392) - you deserved it (5475)

On 06/23/2015 at 6:37pm - work - by Luke - United States (Texas)

Today, from across the parking lot, I saw a woman break into my car and steal my "Handicapped parking" placard. Guess why I couldn't stop her. FML

#21427634
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34908) - you deserved it (1814)

On 06/17/2015 at 3:18pm - misc - by hobbled - United States

Today, I was on a boat and I thought I saw a towel fly off, but it was actually my fricken dog. FML

#21426414
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32055) - you deserved it (5036)

On 06/15/2015 at 10:49am - animals - by justin Bieber - United States (Michigan)

Today, the 4-year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl". Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

#21424205
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26521) - you deserved it (2063)

On 06/10/2015 at 11:04pm - kids - by AdoKitty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took new sleeping meds. One of the side effects was sleepwalking. I had a dream my girlfriend wanted me to pee on her. Apparently, while sleepwalking, I pissed all over our dog. FML

#21423425
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23287) - you deserved it (2651)

On 06/09/2015 at 4:03pm - health - by feels like an asshole - United States

Today, I finally slept with the man of my dreams. After he left for work, I found a six-inch skid mark smack dab in the middle of my sheets. Apparently, the man of my dreams doesn't believe in toilet paper. FML

#21422896
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25776) - you deserved it (2625)

On 06/08/2015 at 3:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I tried talking to my wife about our sexless marriage. Her only response was to toss me a sock and say "Knock yourself out, fuckstick." FML

#21422165
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28679) - you deserved it (3184)

On 06/07/2015 at 3:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I walked outside to get the paper, and saw a dying bird I assumed had flown into the window. It was warm so I thought it might still be alive. I wasn't wearing my glasses though, and was trying to nurse a dog turd back to life. FML

#21420933
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25702) - you deserved it (9818)

On 06/04/2015 at 10:17pm - animals - by nerderer (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, one of my tires blew out on the highway. I managed to slow down and pull over without dying, and went to get my spare tire. I found it right where it was supposed to be, knifed to hell and with a taunting note from my psycho ex taped to it. We broke up nearly 3 years ago. FML

#21419681
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28087) - you deserved it (2760)

On 06/02/2015 at 12:50pm - misc - by Milo (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)



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