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beef_weezle

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beef_weezle
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 828
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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beef_weezle's favorite FMLs

Today, my debate partner repeatedly said "You mad, bro?" to the opposing team in our college debate class. That debate was worth a considerable portion of our grade. FML

#20959913
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38489) - you deserved it (2463)

On 11/16/2013 at 3:18pm - misc - by gonnafail (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, while my hometown mayor becomes a world-famous crackhead and douche-bag, here in the UK it has come to this: when people hear my accent and ask me if I'm American, it's less embarrassing just to say, "Yeah", rather than admit I'm Canadian. FML

#20958357
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36030) - you deserved it (6126)

On 11/15/2013 at 2:05am - misc - by unproud (man) - United Kingdom (Luton)

Today, I watched as my grandma beat the shit out of my dad at the zoo. FML

#20948659
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42745) - you deserved it (3613)

On 11/07/2013 at 12:52am - misc - by Grandson - United States (California)

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

#20947706
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40208) - you deserved it (7938)

On 11/06/2013 at 1:08pm - animals - by lbg2msf (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML

#20937985
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43181) - you deserved it (11316)

On 10/29/2013 at 2:57pm - health - by Anonymous - Zimbabwe

Today, I overcame my stage fright and got up in front of a café audience with my acoustic guitar to sing a few of my songs. Some asshat kept yelling stuff like "NEEDS MORE COWBELL!" and "FREEBIRD!", which made me lose my nerve and flee. FML

#20937310
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35512) - you deserved it (3598)

On 10/28/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by NickDrakeFan (man) - United States

Today, my best friend went in for her scheduled mammogram, and I sent her a text saying, "How're your boobies?" It was only after I sent it that I realized I'd sent it to my history professor. FML

#20930198
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35433) - you deserved it (9974)

On 10/22/2013 at 12:47pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML

#20929956
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43539) - you deserved it (4600)

On 10/22/2013 at 5:12am - animals - by IamAflyingCat - United States

Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML

#20928390
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37161) - you deserved it (4342)

On 10/21/2013 at 12:18am - kids - by Wheredigowrong - United States (Iowa)

Today, I went on a first date. He left me standing at a bus stop while he took a dump in some bushes. FML

#20922179
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44108) - you deserved it (3673)

On 10/15/2013 at 11:10pm - love - by highlydisgusted - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was talking dirty to my long-distance lover while touching myself, when a cockroach fell from my ceiling and landed on the hand I was molesting myself with. FML

#20915065
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44011) - you deserved it (14574)

On 10/10/2013 at 11:40am - intimacy - by DisgustinglyFrustrated - Argentina (Santa Fe)

Today, I dreamt that I beat someone up for using Comic Sans in a project. Now I can't look at him without being irrationally angry. FML

#20914246
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30219) - you deserved it (5679)

On 10/09/2013 at 7:15pm - work - by Ellie (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

#20907559
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22021) - you deserved it (72180)

On 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend and I went to one of the United States Mints since he enjoys coins. He looked at the money and seriously said, "I have such a hard on". He did. FML

#20905869
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40154) - you deserved it (3555)

On 10/03/2013 at 11:38am - intimacy - by EconM - United States

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

#20905661
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35231) - you deserved it (2772)

On 10/03/2013 at 4:26am - animals - by hoo flung pu - United States



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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