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beef_weezle

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beef_weezle

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  • Number of visits : 2329
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Visits<b>mgrazi99</b> - the 03/19/2015 at 12:11am<b>ibeliebvatic</b> - the 12/14/2014 at 2:49pm<b>Justinr017</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 1:42pm<b>mrmcmuffins</b> - the 04/05/2014 at 1:18pm

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beef_weezle's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. Things got heated and I yelled, "Who's your daddy?" With a blank expression she replied, "I don't know." FML

#21326143
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30490) - you deserved it (15277)

On 12/28/2014 at 9:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I witnessed my very overweight cat trying to jump over my fence, only to shit himself half way up, and then land in it. FML

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

#21311441
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42364) - you deserved it (2992)

On 12/04/2014 at 2:33pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41467) - you deserved it (3790)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my wife told me she had a surprise for me when I came home. Surprise to me means sex, not a new puppy. FML

#21293677
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30941) - you deserved it (14362)

On 11/06/2014 at 8:55pm - animals - by dwood08 - United States (New York)

Today, my ex sent me a pack of beer to screw with me. I'm still going to AA, and I thought I was almost over it. Five bottles later, I realized I'm not. We didn't break up over my drinking, either; it was because after just 2 weeks of dating, she threatened to kill herself if I didn't marry her. FML

#21292603
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34121) - you deserved it (3318)

On 11/05/2014 at 8:57am - health - by AAnonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was at the mall with my young daughter. I hate pooping in public but I really had to go so I brought her in with me. Thinking we were alone, I started to go and my daughter yelled, "Good job, mommy, you're using the potty like a big girl!" I then heard laughing. FML

#21283795
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35955) - you deserved it (4427)

On 10/23/2014 at 2:43pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend jerking off to what I thought was porn on his phone. He was actually beating it to Siri's voice. FML

#21280577
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37015) - you deserved it (3455)

On 10/18/2014 at 5:43pm - intimacy - by fizzie101 - United States (California)

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML

#21270711
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45517) - you deserved it (10268)

On 10/04/2014 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by SadMother - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my 4 year old son groped my breasts and said, "This is what daddy told me to do." FML

#21260160
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34246) - you deserved it (3902)

On 09/17/2014 at 5:57pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, I'm at that age where sitting down carries a 50/50 chance of turning my balls into scrambled eggs, a fact confirmed yet again today. Third time this week. I think it's time to switch to briefs. FML

#21259403
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27453) - you deserved it (4129)

On 09/16/2014 at 12:20pm - health - by I need a new ballsack. (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

#21252700
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45786) - you deserved it (2945)

On 09/05/2014 at 10:36pm - work - by crop circle galore - United States

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44855) - you deserved it (16591)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, to spice things up, my boyfriend suggested we wear disguises. Amused by the idea, I accepted. That's how I ended up having sex with Gandalf. FML

#21240323
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43190) - you deserved it (9412) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/18/2014 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Degueusement (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML

#21239517
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42564) - you deserved it (13815)

On 08/17/2014 at 2:15am - kids - by you ripped them off ages ago (man) - United Kingdom (Derby)



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