About beckyxD : Hi, I'm Cloe (: That's all you need to know ^_^
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
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Today, I visited home. My drunk mother was screaming to my drunk stepdad about a fight four years ago. My little sister was looking in the mirror practicing her "Orgasm face." And the neighbors were dancing outside coked out and naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61204) - you deserved it (3344)
On 09/19/2009 at 12:55am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was having a really bad day and told my friend at lunch about how stressed I was and he gave me his brownie to cheer me up. After school, he texted me "Did the brownies kick in?" Yes, they did, right in the middle of my English presentation. They were "funny" brownies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38314) - you deserved it (5393)
On 09/10/2009 at 5:34pm - misc - by englishclasshigh (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, while talking to my boyfriend, I was frantically searching for my cell phone. He was curious as to what I was doing so I told him. There was long silence followed by laughter. He could hardly breathe as he told me, "Honey you're on your phone talking to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9652) - you deserved it (57204)
On 08/17/2009 at 8:16pm - misc - by hunnydoll (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was looking over the schedule for errors and circled a group of mistakes before handing it to my manager. When she handed it back to me, she gave me a weird look and I immediately noticed that the group of numbers I had circled formed a giant penis shape on the paper. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32906) - you deserved it (708)
On 08/14/2009 at 1:01pm - work - by dumblond (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, my girlfriend wanted to name my penis. After 5 minutes of thinking up random names, she finally picked one. Say hello to Squirtle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59564) - you deserved it (12172)
On 08/01/2009 at 3:44am - love - by NinjaPanda88 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had sex with this guy who I like very much. As he went to leave I decided to give him one last thrill. So I reached down his pants and started to rub and stroke him. He abruptly pulled my hand out, when I asked why, he points behind me, my mom watched the whole thing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20658) - you deserved it (52436)
On 06/23/2009 at 11:14am - intimacy - by wastedlove (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73216) - you deserved it (15329)
On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14174) - you deserved it (51754)
On 05/19/2009 at 1:06pm - animals - by jrocks (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50247) - you deserved it (39081)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML
I agree, your life sucks (39904) - you deserved it (16866)
On 04/16/2009 at 11:08pm - health - by duuuuude (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I woke up on my mom's couch with a wicked hangover. I made a mad dash for the toilet but felt the wave coming after two steps. I grabbed a bag of trash next to the front door and showed it no mercy. After I'd recovered and cleaned up, Mom asked if I'd seen the bag with her tax materials. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16195) - you deserved it (47022)
On 04/15/2009 at 3:47pm - health - by caramelkarma (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58351) - you deserved it (40962)
On 03/16/2009 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whatdoyoudo (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend and he was moving his hand from his thigh to my chest but on the way he sort of squeezed my stomach. When I asked him why he did that, he told me that "his fingers got stuck under my roll." FML
I agree, your life sucks (51132) - you deserved it (16818)
On 03/15/2009 at 1:07am - misc - by marsbar (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I saw him with another woman. I confronted both of them in screaming rage "What the fuck? Are you cheating on me with this ugly slut?" They were in shock. Turns out it was his cousin visiting from New Jersey, he was gonna introduce us at dinner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13585) - you deserved it (143733)
On 03/13/2009 at 9:18am - love - by nowthatsfcked (woman) - Canada
Today, I was babysitting an eleven year old boy. He decided we should play with nerf guns with velcro tips. I shot him in the crotch accidentally, and the dart stuck on his pants wiggling for about a full minute before his dad walked in to find us both staring at his son's crotch, giggling. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39162) - you deserved it (10459)
On 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm - kids - by xoVioLoveox (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Friday 24 May 2013
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