beatrizwtf

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Offline (the 09/09/2015 at 4:27pm)

beatrizwtf

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Thursday 10 August 1995 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 287
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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beatrizwtf's page activity

Visits<b>Wane8822</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 5:22pm<b>EGOSTOR</b> - the 03/07/2016 at 4:07pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 02/24/2016 at 8:39pm<b>jdw17</b> - the 01/08/2016 at 3:42pm<b>xKG33x</b> - the 12/08/2015 at 12:11pm<b>glossy12</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 1:10am<b>lavapants</b> - the 11/25/2015 at 3:44am<b>moron011</b> - the 08/10/2015 at 9:26am<b>seahawks3925</b> - the 08/10/2015 at 2:36am<b>FoxHunt9119</b> - the 07/27/2015 at 7:36pm<b>haran69</b> - the 03/24/2013 at 4:10pm<b>Gshelton09</b> - the 03/11/2013 at 1:30am<b>ICastillo</b> - the 02/25/2013 at 11:54pm<b>Giluh</b> - the 02/19/2013 at 12:34am<b>miwako</b> - the 02/13/2013 at 12:47pm<b>JefftheRipper</b> - the 02/12/2013 at 10:54pm<b>MWidderAUDI</b> - the 02/11/2013 at 1:15am

Fucked!<b>glossy12</b> - the 12/03/2015 at 7:10am<b>lavapants</b> - the 11/25/2015 at 9:30am<b>moron011</b> - the 08/10/2015 at 3:26pm

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beatrizwtf's favorite FMLs

Today, I was eating out with a group of friends and my boyfriend. During the meal, I accidentally took a sip from my male friend's glass. My boyfriend pointed and said, "Babe, you took his drink." My friend responded by putting his arm round me and saying, "Whatever, I took her virginity." FML

by everyoneheard / 03/28/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML

by anon / 03/25/2013 at 2:31pm / United States / Health

Today, my boyfriend got angry and threatened to dump me, all because I wouldn't give in to his demands not to go to a birthday sleepover with my friends. He seriously thinks it's going to turn into some kind of lesbian orgy and that I'll cheat on him. Thanks, PornHub. FML

by wow / 03/14/2013 at 11:43am / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy

Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

by OptimusVader / 03/13/2013 at 9:36am / United States / Intimacy

Today, our dog jumped on the bed while my fiancé and I were having sex, and let out the most horrific fart. My fiancé, like a gentleman, held my nose closed while he continued banging me. FML

by cremyfrozentreat / 03/10/2013 at 9:40am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm so broke after paying my bills, that I resorted to eating plain garlic butter from the pizzeria down the street for lunch. The worst part: to get the butter, I stormed in and angrily complained, saying they forgot to give it to me. I never even ordered a pizza. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 6:03pm / United States (South Carolina) / Money

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

by je_regrette_tout / 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm / Intimacy

Today, while working at Starbucks, a man came in and placed his order. I made his drink, topped it with whipped cream, and put the lid on. Some cream was seeping out of the top. He looked at me and said, "Good... you left a nipple..." and slowly licked it off. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 1:06am / United States / Work

Today, I found out my girlfriend can do Heath Ledger's "Joker" voice perfectly. I'm not sure if I should be scared or impressed. FML

by nerdgirlmickey / 03/03/2013 at 11:05am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, while I was shaving my nether regions, my trimmer slipped and ate a chunk out of my balls, right beside a vein. I've been bleeding on and off for an hour, and the New Skin I tried isn't able to dry quickly enough. FML

by Anonymous / 02/24/2013 at 2:58pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML

by shelbylove115 / 02/22/2013 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after half a year of flirting back and forth, I went to a fancy party thrown by the guy I really like. He met me at the door and introduced me to everyone as, "the lovely Meghan". I thought I finally had a chance, until he introduced me to his girlfriend of five years. FML

by Meghan / 02/21/2013 at 8:33pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, I lost a bet with my friends. I had to go to the super market and buy a copy of 50 Shades of Grey along with a cucumber. The cashier was trying so hard not to laugh while ringing me up. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to take a jog in an area we never been before. We then got lost. She actually thought that the tattoo on her arm of an open compass with north, east, south, and west would help us. FML

by omgstuupidd / 02/17/2013 at 9:27am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation