Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

bdathorne

Search for a member

bdathorne

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 25 April 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1390
  • Number of comments : 25
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

bdathorne's page activity

Visits<b>DooleyFTW</b> - the 12/21/2012 at 3:48pm<b>LadysMan_21</b> - the 12/18/2012 at 7:20pm<b>Laxinitup</b> - the 07/15/2012 at 12:44am

bdathorne's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

See all of bdathorne's badges

bdathorne's favorite FMLs

Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML

#20880767
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36550) - you deserved it (2634)

On 09/14/2013 at 11:04am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while chatting with a friend online, I told her that Kristen Stewart isn't going to star in the 50 Shades movie as she originally thought. She then spammed me with so many "NO"/"NO WAY" messages that my crappy laptop froze up, forcing me to reboot and lose a ton of unsaved essay notes. FML

#20879898
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39880) - you deserved it (10996)

On 09/13/2013 at 5:31pm - misc - by CHEERS, TUMBLTARD (woman) -

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML

#20877954
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40684) - you deserved it (6384)

On 09/12/2013 at 1:18am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, one of my employees called in after his 8-hour shift, explaining that he had bed bugs at home, found one on his shirt, and thinks they are in the store. I own a mattress shop. They'd spread. FML

#20877588
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46143) - you deserved it (2520)

On 09/11/2013 at 9:12pm - work - by icanteven - United States (Kentucky)

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

#20877041
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56137) - you deserved it (9167)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out I do not have a fast metabolism, I've actually had a tape worm living inside me for 3 years. FML

#20875969
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56166) - you deserved it (3247)

On 09/10/2013 at 5:41pm - health - by Iskylite (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to a suicide prevention walk with a girl I like. Before the walk, we bought balloons to set free when they called the names of the deceased. To buy a balloon, you had to write a name on a sheet. Apparently, you weren't supposed to write your own. They called my name. FML

#20874883
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37380) - you deserved it (11989)

On 09/09/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

#20874714
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41054) - you deserved it (11016)

On 09/09/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by heyhijello - United States (California)

Today, a customer kept harassing me and threatening to sue me for all I'm worth because I wouldn't give her a free refill. Her reasoning was that it's "illegal" to deny people a free refill if there's still a little drink left in the cup. FML

#20871774
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43998) - you deserved it (3413)

On 09/07/2013 at 5:43pm - work - by goshoveafuckingfrappuccinoupyourvagyoupsychocunt (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad told me I was folding my laundry all wrong. I said with a smirk, "A little clothes-minded, are we?" He slapped me. Hard. FML

#20865687
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49423) - you deserved it (10663)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:31am - misc - by fml (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to feed an elderly man in the care home in which I work while he was whacking off. Our work policy states that I have to pretend not to notice. FML

#20865686
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58728) - you deserved it (4188)

On 09/03/2013 at 2:30am - intimacy - by poolgirl789 (woman) - United Kingdom (Bradford)

Today, I read a seemingly serious article online about giving your smartphone some extra charge by putting it in the microwave for one minute. My phone is now fried. FML

#20864782
513 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17816) - you deserved it (127769)

On 09/02/2013 at 4:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I had to finally accept that I have an eating disorder when I caught myself checking for the nutrition facts and calories on my shampoo. FML

#20864106
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40047) - you deserved it (7968)

On 09/02/2013 at 2:47am - health - by Jasmine_smilee - United States (Oregon)

Today, a shopper asked me where my nipples were. Seeing as I work in Babies'R'Us, this is a common question. I brought her over to the nursing equipment aisle where she then grabbed my nipples, gave them a twist, and walked away. I need a new job. FML

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

#20862871
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25865) - you deserved it (89965)

On 09/01/2013 at 5:57am - intimacy - by happyturtle (woman) - Croatia



FML's blog

  • Freaks's Illustrated FML
  • What's going on? Something weird is going on. I can feel it in my bones. Can't you? People are acting weird, as if they're short-fused all of a sudden. There's definitely…

Friday 1 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: