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bdathorne's favorite FMLs
Today, I tried to tackle my fear of heights by riding a rollercoaster. Once we were near the top, it malfunctioned, causing it to stop, and we all had to get out and climb back down. My girlfriend laughed at me for how scared I was. FML
by monsterdanceman / 10/23/2013 at 7:16pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/23/2013 at 10:04am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by U_U / 10/20/2013 at 3:20pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my mom let me stay home from school, because I was sick. We both agreed not to tell my dad, since he's adamant that I never miss even one day of school. A few hours after my mom left for work, he came back home, with another woman. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2013 at 12:26pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was hitting on a girl, and I was sure I could get her to sleep with me. When she finally gave in and was putting her number into my phone, she called my mom and asked her if she raised me to "sexually harass women." FML
by not getting laid / 10/13/2013 at 10:38am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
by Anonymous / 10/12/2013 at 6:03pm / Iceland (Borgarfjardarsysla) / Health
Today, my mother kept nagging at me because my 9-month-old daughter only calms down when I play her metal. She demands I use gospel, otherwise she will turn into a "devil-worshipping lunatic like her mother". FML
by SlapAndTickle / 10/10/2013 at 11:04pm / United States / Kids
by DisgustinglyFrustrated / 10/10/2013 at 11:40am / Argentina (Santa Fe) / Intimacy
by Ellie / 10/09/2013 at 7:15pm / United States (Kansas) / Work
Today, I was at my in-laws' house, and as I was walking to the living room I had my hands on the back of my hips supporting my back. My mother-in-law told me to stop because it makes me look pregnant. I'm 9 months pregnant. FML
by she knows / 10/08/2013 at 12:30pm / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
by haveahappyperiod / 10/04/2013 at 5:39am / Miscellaneous
by Tired / 10/02/2013 at 12:22pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Health
Today, my boyfriend's dad said he'd given my boyfriend £100 to take me out for a meal last night and he hoped I'd enjoyed it. Last night my boyfriend and I went to Pizza Hut, shared a pizza and split the bill. Turns out my boyfriend had simply pocketed the money without telling anyone. FML
by hmmm / 10/01/2013 at 8:32am / United Kingdom (Leicester) / Love
Today, I was in an Austrian bar, making polite conversation in my broken German with a slightly odd middle-aged man. He said, winking, that he was near to his pension. I smiled and nodded, thinking he was talking about retirement. My friend later informed me that 'pension' is German for 'apartment'. Ew. FML
by Anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 3:30am / Austria (Wien) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my daughter trying to cut her wrist with a plastic spoon. When I asked her why, she said her friend Lucy did that so her parents would buy her pretty things. My daughter and Lucy are both four years old. FML
by Anonymous / 09/30/2013 at 7:54pm / United Kingdom (West Lothian) / Kids
- Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling… Today, I had sex for the first time lying on a deck chair outside of a house party. Just as I reach… Today, my boyfriend finally proposed to me after making me wait for 4 years. Hours after that, my…