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Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139841) - you deserved it (32566)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend and I were "fooling around." It started to get hot and he took out his penis for the first time. This was the first one I've seen in real life so I decided I'd complimented it. I had no idea what to say so I said, "It's pretty." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50246) - you deserved it (39081)
On 05/16/2009 at 1:44pm - intimacy - by madzlovesgee (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, while checking through the graphic novel section of my library, I noticed a gay manga porn comic. While I was wondering who in the world would ever RENT such an item, I realised I had been staring at it for a full five minutes and people were watching me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13030) - you deserved it (6950)
On 05/15/2009 at 7:07am - intimacy - by dwek (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)
Today, my dad was in town for 1 day. We only had about 3 hours to do something so we left right away. Right as we were about to leave my dads slutty girlfriend came by for a "surprise visit". My dad told me he would be right back. They had sex for 2 hours and 45 minutes. we talked for 15 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68468) - you deserved it (2527)
On 05/14/2009 at 3:43pm - intimacy - by MacBook (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (82795) - you deserved it (3656)
On 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, it's the five year anniversary of my father's death. I was cuddling with my boyfriend and crying about how much I missed him. He replied with, "Sometimes, I think you just like to hear yourself talk." FML
I agree, your life sucks (73787) - you deserved it (7579)
On 05/11/2009 at 3:46pm - misc - by bezoar10 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51972) - you deserved it (4952)
On 05/11/2009 at 8:08am - intimacy - by BlueBallMcGee (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML
I agree, your life sucks (79666) - you deserved it (3520)
On 05/11/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by mistake (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I received a list of employee names who were losing their jobs and I had to remove them from the system as I work for IT. I was on the list. That's right. My last responsibility as an employee was removing myself from the system for security reasons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59451) - you deserved it (1891)
On 05/10/2009 at 4:41pm - work - by IT_4_Hire (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML
I agree, your life sucks (198446) - you deserved it (38557)
On 05/05/2009 at 11:37am - animals - by Rhyno - United States (New York)
Today, I paid $60 for a haircut from a professional stylist, only to walk out looking like Spock from Star Trek. The worst part was the stylist asked me, "Hey, are you going to see that new Star Trek movie?" and tried to talk me into watching it. Now, wherever I go, people are giving me the 'live long and prosper' sign. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46149) - you deserved it (6822)
On 05/05/2009 at 2:21am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that the girl I've been dating online for over three months is actually a very bored 14 year old boy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76003) - you deserved it (203366)
On 05/04/2009 at 2:12am - love - by Iman (man) - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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