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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 20 May 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4966
  • Number of comments : 83
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About baseballplaya5 : Gonna be a marine after high school, wanna know more email me [email protected]

baseballplaya5's page activity

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Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 07/11/2015 at 6:39pm<b>ChoolyBooly</b> - the 02/26/2015 at 9:10pm

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baseballplaya5's favorite FMLs

Today, my boss in my police dept. told me to start enforcing the "no bikes on sidewalks" law which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with down syndrome who was so upset he cried and peed. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2009 at 2:29pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I flew to see my long distance boyfriend who I haven't seen in 6 months. Upon seeing me, he ran up to me, picked me up and swung me around like they do in the movies. In doing so, my foot hit a 4 year old child who was running past and knocked him out. FML

by airport / 05/10/2009 at 2:49pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was running down the hallway when a door opens and hits me right on the face. I'm sitting there with my nose bleeding and a huge bump forming on my head. The guy who comes out is hugely fat, tries to help me up, trips, and falls on me. I accidentally groped his moobs while trying to push him off. FML

by LizLiao / 04/14/2009 at 3:50am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents asked if I wanted to go to military school so i said "yeah that would be awesome," thinking it was a joke. They weren't joking. FML

by AlienZ / 04/11/2009 at 10:44pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to help, I slowly say, "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says, "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML

by Tourist / 03/26/2009 at 3:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung in the balls by a Jelly fish. FML

by The_HML / 03/23/2009 at 10:48pm / United States (Maryland) / Holidays

Today, I fell asleep in class. As a joke, my professor used an airhorn to wake me up. I got so freaked out that I punched the girl next to me in the face. She got knocked out. FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 3:06pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I walked into the kitchen and accidentally broke my mother's vase. I said, "Accidents happen." She replied, "Yeah, like your birth." FML

by Cody / 03/07/2009 at 1:15pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met a guy at a bar and we went back to my room. We start having sex and about 30 seconds in he stops and says it's not right - he likes me too much for a one night stand. He gives me his number, a kiss on the cheek and leaves. Turns out he already came. I call his phone - wrong number. FML

by jsw029 / 02/25/2009 at 11:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, in the middle of dinner, I went to rest my chin on my hand, missed, and stuck the straw from my drink straight up my nose. FML

by EK / 02/16/2009 at 6:36pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML

by caroline / 02/06/2009 at 10:29am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

by thermos / 02/03/2009 at 6:47pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I found FML for the first time in class, and literally laughed out loud in the middle of the lecture in front of 200 classmates. Today's lecture? The cruelties of slavery. FML

by kprice6 / 02/03/2009 at 5:55pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work

Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML

by FML / 02/02/2009 at 1:27pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy