About barlessprison : I have bad taste and I'm always eating at any given point in time.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Keen reader – Level: student ninja
You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.
Perfectionist
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of Asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole, I got it," in plain English. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53197) - you deserved it (417549)
On 03/26/2009 at 3:19am - misc - by Tourist (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20178) - you deserved it (62043)
On 03/25/2009 at 10:48pm - misc - by ohhotdamn (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was trying to convince my boyfriend that I am NOT a dumb blonde. After screaming at the top of my lungs, I tripped over a bin and hit my head on a wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16080) - you deserved it (66031)
On 03/24/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by blondie (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was eating with my boyfriend and his family at a high-end restaurant when, suddenly, I screamed, thinking a dog had just bitten my leg. I am terrified of dogs. I kicked my under-the-table assailant as hard as I could. It was my boyfriend's adorable five-year-old sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58143) - you deserved it (24607)
On 03/22/2009 at 9:02pm - kids - by Noca (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was on a cruise and fell asleep next to the pool. I had an intense dream that I had fallen off into the ocean. I rolled off my sun chair into the water and woke up screaming uncontrollably, I thought I was in the ocean. I was in the kiddy pool. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46378) - you deserved it (9500)
On 03/21/2009 at 8:06pm - misc - by nick (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my parents yelled at me for coming home at 1am this morning from a friend's birthday party. I'm 30 years old. FML
I agree, your life sucks (51235) - you deserved it (92798)
On 03/21/2009 at 5:35am - misc - by soliveyerlife (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found a bell that had been tied into the tassel of my ski hat by my twin sister as part of a longstanding prank war between us. I'm deaf and have apparently been jingling like an elf for over a week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (104884) - you deserved it (7699)
On 03/20/2009 at 1:40pm - misc - by hipprep83 - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my boyfriend and I were at his house having sex. After about 30 minutes, his mom came home and was knocking on the door asking "What are you doing?" Thinking I might have a chance to sneak out, I got dressed real quiet. Then my boyfriend answers, "Zoe. I'm doing Zoe." FML
I agree, your life sucks (72003) - you deserved it (11575)
On 03/19/2009 at 2:05am - intimacy - by Zoe123 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at a Chinese restaurant, I'd forgotten my glasses and had a migraine. I was straining my eyes, squinting and rubbing my temples to alleviate my migraine. I was kicked out of the restaurant and banned henceforth because my waitress thought I was mocking her eyes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69854) - you deserved it (8851)
On 03/18/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by lemonjuice (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14412) - you deserved it (90187)
On 03/16/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States
Today, I was writing a very important email to my college professor. I went upstairs for something and came back down to send it. I later asked him today why he hadn't responded to which he said "I'm flattered...but can't." My roommate had added "love you xxx" at the end of the email. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47496) - you deserved it (6191)
On 03/14/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by dntstopmenow (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)
Today, at a hard rock concert, a bunch of guys accidentally knocked down a port-a-potty while moshing. I was inside that port-a-potty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (172921) - you deserved it (12017)
On 03/07/2009 at 12:51am - misc - by shit_upon_literally (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was writing an email to our entire company regarding a fundraiser we are taking part in for children and adults with disabilities. I was rushing to get the email out and hit send before I realized that instead of "Best Regards" I had typed "Best Retards" as the closing line. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22601) - you deserved it (30974)
On 03/06/2009 at 1:53pm - work - by Can't Spell Worth A Damn (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I yelled at my little brother for leaving the toilet seat up and told him he needed to go around the house and make sure they were all down. I went to the bathroom later to find that the toilet seats and covers from every toilet had all been removed and were sitting on my bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12006) - you deserved it (56109)
On 03/06/2009 at 12:49pm - kids - by wetbutt (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was walking through Borders with my girlfriend, when we pass a girl scout cookies stand. I see a box of Samoas, my favorite, point at them, and shout, 'YEAH'. My girlfriend looks shocked. Behind the box of cookies was a five year old scout bending over, with her bottom pointed at me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47117) - you deserved it (11843)
On 03/01/2009 at 12:55pm - misc - by Scottrick (man) - United States (Virginia)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
