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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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barlessprison

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barlessprison
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Saturday 27 June 1992 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 59600
  • Number of comments : 298
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About barlessprison : Why you would even read this is beyond me but hey, since you're here let's make your time worthwhile.

Quick facts:
1. I love writing.
2. Ditto zombies.
3. I enjoy reading and my favorites include The Hunger Games Trilogy, The Morganville Vampire Series and most Michael Grant books.
4. I will sell to you my left leg if you get me a ticket to NY.
5. Man this quick facts list went from semi-normal to weird pretty fast, huh?
6. My interests lie all over the place.
7. If you're a fan of Misfits/Weeds/Game of Thrones/Skins/South Park, we'll probably get along.
8. My attention span sucks so it's pretty remarkable I managed to type out this much.

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barlessprison's favorite FMLs

Today, I drove into the parking lot at work, and discovered too late that there were patches of ice everywhere. As I turned to enter my usual spot, I lost control of the vehicle, and despite my pleas, praying, and profanity, it glided straight into my boss' car. FML

#18469057 (161)

I agree, your life sucks (8652) - you deserved it (992)

On 12/09/2011 at 3:14pm - work - by charliebravo77 (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying "only these guns" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. And neither will the cops down at the station. FML

#18444451 (251)

I agree, your life sucks (8456) - you deserved it (28831)

On 12/06/2011 at 12:24pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my entire family came over for thanksgiving. It went pretty well, only four family members got in a fist fight and only one cop car was called. FML

#18341850 (87)

I agree, your life sucks (17716) - you deserved it (1198)

On 11/24/2011 at 9:49pm - misc - by guy - United States

Today, I went to my doctor. I casually asked him why I keep getting headaches after I masturbate. He said it probably was a sign from God. FML

#18314611 (72)

I agree, your life sucks (10788) - you deserved it (2915)

On 11/22/2011 at 4:36am - intimacy - by toomuch (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML

#18312960 (207)

I agree, your life sucks (25283) - you deserved it (4114)

On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML

#18285625 (99)

I agree, your life sucks (11315) - you deserved it (2341)

On 11/18/2011 at 11:54pm - misc - by dan - Reserved

Today, I got into a car accident. The other party left the scene immediately after without exchanging insurance information. Deer can be so rude. FML

#18267814 (146)

I agree, your life sucks (8169) - you deserved it (2230)

On 11/16/2011 at 9:24pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

#18251877 (143)

I agree, your life sucks (6287) - you deserved it (2936)

On 11/14/2011 at 11:51pm - animals - by MY CAR (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went to see the latest Paranormal Activity movie with my mother. We were terrified and held hands at one point. The person sitting behind us thought it would be hilarious to abruptly scream into my mother's ear. She reacted by flailing and driving her arm straight into my face. FML

#18158885 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (17629) - you deserved it (2489)

On 11/04/2011 at 7:25pm - misc - by Ariel_Mariaa - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my 12 year-old daughter asked me where her scrotum is. FML

#18139418 (189)

I agree, your life sucks (8792) - you deserved it (1606)

On 11/02/2011 at 4:18pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after a root canal, I went to the pharmacy for some pain killers. The cute girl behind the counter asked what I needed. When I opened my mouth to tell her, a wave of drool hurtled out and splattered on the counter. FML

#17952669 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (21752) - you deserved it (2099)

On 10/10/2011 at 3:44pm - love - by maninpain - Kenya

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

#17874410 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (18509) - you deserved it (4157)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML

#17703209 (147)

I agree, your life sucks (10199) - you deserved it (1132)

On 09/09/2011 at 9:36am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, while standing in line at the video store, I happen to notice a very hot young girl on the TV screen, and mentioned to my friend that I'd "hit that." I was immediately punched by the girl in front of me. Seems the hot girl on TV was her on a security monitor. FML

#17609148 (158)

I agree, your life sucks (7609) - you deserved it (29131)

On 08/29/2011 at 12:27am - intimacy - by helpless_soul - United States

Today, while paying for groceries, I opened my wallet to find that all my cash had been exchanged for Monopoly money. FML

#17598415 (119)

I agree, your life sucks (25310) - you deserved it (1830)

On 08/27/2011 at 8:38pm - money - by KayDayParade - United States