Hi I'm badass.
You can call me Swarley and I like to suit up.
Hypothetical high-five!
Today, as I left class I felt a tug on my rucksack from behind. Thinking it was just someone deliberately dragging me back, I struggled to let myself free and shouted "Let go!". I looked over my shoulder just to find that one the straps was trapped in the doorhandle. Everyone was in hysterics. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3476) - you totally deserved it (9471)
On 11/19/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by betamaxjim (man) - United Kingdom (Kirklees)
Today, I noticed that in my cover letter I wrote "I also have an eye.", instead of "I also have an eye for details.", and I have been sending it out for the past few weeks. No wonder I haven't gotten any replies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4040) - you totally deserved it (14132)
On 11/14/2009 at 11:52am - work - by crazylobster (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I returned home for the first time in a year, and found my entire computer missing. I asked my grandma about this, and she told me that she threw "the TV" away because it "no longer responded to the remote control." FML
I agree, your life sucks (23035) - you totally deserved it (1307)
On 11/12/2009 at 9:36am - misc - by missmycomp (man) - Singapore
Today, I was texting while making dinner. I went to pour the noodles into the boiling water and I dropped my phone in. Not thinking, I went to retreive it from the water. I now have a completely useless phone and a useless hand. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5138) - you totally deserved it (17247)
On 11/11/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I started the day at my local Starbucks. I was greeted with smiles from everyone I made eye contact with and left the store feeling really good about myself. I got home and checked myself out in the mirror, only to realize I had cut myself shaving and my neck was covered in dried blood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13814) - you totally deserved it (3423)
On 11/09/2009 at 6:22pm - misc - by cpatch (man) - United States
Today, I was falling asleep on my desk, my head on my fist. My elbow slipped off the edge of the desk and I punched myself, leaving a fist mark on my cheek. At school, people think my parents hit me. My parents think I'm getting bullied at school. No one believes the actual story. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16704) - you totally deserved it (2658)
On 11/08/2009 at 3:44pm - misc - by bob (man) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)
Today, I ran into a bird. Not with my car, with my face. It was so scared, it crapped all over me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18752) - you totally deserved it (1640)
On 11/08/2009 at 2:26am - misc - by birdbath (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I proceeded to rip it off, I pulled very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13251) - you totally deserved it (5473)
On 11/06/2009 at 6:37pm - health - by jellybean (woman) - United States
Today, the city shut off the water at my house because my roommate thought that the water bills he had been hoarding were "suggestions." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17312) - you totally deserved it (1478)
On 11/02/2009 at 12:30pm - money - by parched (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I realized that the drunk-me deletes my texts, so the sober-me doesn't get mad. Well turns out, whatever the drunk-me said, caused me to lose my job, my girlfriend, and my coffee machine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6779) - you totally deserved it (26516)
On 11/01/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Joe (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I ran into a car. I suffered a concussion and broke my nose. I wasn't driving. I walked right into it. It was parked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5172) - you totally deserved it (22303)
On 10/26/2009 at 2:35am - misc - by munchkin - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today, I went outside to enjoy the cool air without my glasses. I saw my neighbor doing the same, so I waved and said hi. When she didn't respond, I yelled and went back inside. It was only later when I went back out with my glasses on that I realized I was being ignored by a Halloween decoration. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4444) - you totally deserved it (15958)
On 10/16/2009 at 9:39am - misc - by Phazzer (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I was in a work meeting because our clientele is unhappy with our service. I was in there because I don't correct our customers when they get my name wrong. My name is Blane, but "Blair", "Blake", "Lane", and "Glenn" got rave reviews. No one picked up on this. I hate my job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13790) - you totally deserved it (1793)
On 10/15/2009 at 8:33am - work - by Blanerd (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I am in a very long line at the supermarket, gazing about in complete boredom when I spot a lady cradling what appears to be a cute newborn baby. Being enamored of all babies, I get off the line, go over and say "Oh, what a cute little baby!" The lady was holding a coconut. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4248) - you totally deserved it (24302)
On 10/10/2009 at 6:35pm - misc - by BEE (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was fired from a job I didn't have. The manager in charge of calling me to tell me if I got the job never called, and never called me back when I left messages. The only time he called me was to fire me for not coming to orientation, which, by the way, he never called to tell me about. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24515) - you totally deserved it (871)
On 10/10/2009 at 3:23am - work - by superjesse006 (man) - United States (Oregon)
