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backawayfromme

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Visits<b>Harshdfml</b> - the 02/15/2013 at 2:11pm<b>B5B0N35</b> - the 12/23/2012 at 2:25am

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backawayfromme's favorite FMLs

Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener. FML

#18981474
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15197) - you deserved it (21873)

On 02/03/2012 at 12:25am - misc - by coleslaw (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I asked a waiter at a restaurant if I could go in the kitchen to compliment the chef. She turned out to be really pretty, so trying to be cool, I leaned back onto what I thought was a table. It turned out to be a stove, and my shirt caught fire. FML

#18750277
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10565) - you deserved it (31683)

On 01/08/2012 at 8:51pm - love - by Tiana - United States

Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML

#17709124
583 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20883) - you deserved it (236140)

On 09/10/2011 at 2:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the movies. I was seated next to a woman who talked through the film and said: "Awwww" every time she saw a primate. I went to see 'Rise of Planet of the Apes'. FML

#17527301
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32667) - you deserved it (2707)

On 08/20/2011 at 5:54am - misc - by RensM (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I woke up at my girlfriend's house. She was staring at me, holding a knife over my face. She ran away, giggling. FML

#17457057
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39348) - you deserved it (4223)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:37am - love - by bTOhno - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML

#17063705
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30071) - you deserved it (11414)

On 07/11/2011 at 5:25am - kids - by Mothering (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my mom tried to sell me a bag of rice, with "Cocaine" written on the side of it in sharpie pen. In exchange for my soul. FML

#16993109
252 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33746) - you deserved it (3608)

On 07/05/2011 at 10:54pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, I had to dig up my twin boys birth certificates for baseball registration. Turns out I had been calling both of them by the other twin's name for eight and a half years. FML

#16847763
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17469) - you deserved it (61312)

On 06/25/2011 at 9:39am - kids - by beekeke45 - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I watched my boss try to stick a magnet to cardboard. FML

#16671761
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36563) - you deserved it (3407)

On 06/15/2011 at 1:46am - work - by MegaBear - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML

#16126147
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60927) - you deserved it (4746)

On 05/11/2011 at 1:17am - intimacy - by Chels (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went into the women's bathroom and was warmly greeted by a man masturbating on one of the sinks. FML

#15712381
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43739) - you deserved it (3905)

On 04/09/2011 at 6:00pm - intimacy - by Jill - United States (New York)

Today, I woke up after a night out drinking on my sofa, with an electric dog collar around my neck and handcuffs on my wrists. The keys were on the other side of the invisible doggy fence. FML

#15154591
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13443) - you deserved it (34790)

On 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm - health - by stupiddrunk (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I realized that as a result of working in an office which has an oddly-placed window, the direct sunlight has caused the left side of my face to become significantly darker than the right. Just call me Harvey Dent. FML

#14935582
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27581) - you deserved it (3363)

On 02/11/2011 at 1:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML

#14316473
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23296) - you deserved it (8534)

On 12/23/2010 at 10:03pm - intimacy - by troubleintoyland (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML

#13403987
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28537) - you deserved it (8978)

On 10/11/2010 at 6:50am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)



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