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backawayfromme's favorite FMLs
Today, I was using a restroom when I heard someone sneeze. I said, "Bless you." It happened again about three times, so I repeated myself each time. I then noticed it was an automatic air freshener. FML
by coleslaw / 02/03/2012 at 12:25am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I asked a waiter at a restaurant if I could go in the kitchen to compliment the chef. She turned out to be really pretty, so trying to be cool, I leaned back onto what I thought was a table. It turned out to be a stove, and my shirt caught fire. FML
by Tiana / 01/08/2012 at 8:51pm / United States / Love
Today, I decided to formally introduce my girlfriend to my parents. My dad took the opportunity to apologize for walking in on us a few days ago while we were having sex. It wasn't her. Thanks dad. FML
by Anonymous / 09/10/2011 at 2:35am / United States / Intimacy
by RensM / 08/20/2011 at 5:54am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
by bTOhno / 08/13/2011 at 2:37am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML
by Mothering / 07/11/2011 at 5:25am / Australia (Queensland) / Kids
by Username / 07/05/2011 at 10:54pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by beekeke45 / 06/25/2011 at 9:39am / United States (New Hampshire) / Kids
by MegaBear / 06/15/2011 at 1:46am / United States / Work
Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my parents. They got quite drunk, and my mom shouted at him, "Have you had sex with my daughter?" As he was shaking his head, my dad said, "I have" in a really creepy voice, thinking it would be funny. It wasn't. FML
by Chels / 05/11/2011 at 1:17am / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by Jill / 04/09/2011 at 6:00pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by stupiddrunk / 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health
Today, I realized that as a result of working in an office which has an oddly-placed window, the direct sunlight has caused the left side of my face to become significantly darker than the right. Just call me Harvey Dent. FML
by Anonymous / 02/11/2011 at 1:15pm / United States (California) / Work
Today, my fiancé and I attempted to have sex in my childhood bedroom. As we were falling onto the bed, I smacked my head on the wall, which caused a shelf of stuffed toys to fall onto the bed. Not only did it kill the mood, the shelf also hit me in the face. FML
by troubleintoyland / 12/23/2010 at 10:03pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I lost the remote control to my TV. I can't change the channel manually on it, and the channel it's stuck on is currently playing an infomercial for the Pos-T-Vac penis pump. I've been watching this for an hour now. I'm a female, and I'm beginning to feel like I need this product. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2010 at 6:50am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I’m in Sweden. This morning, I went out to get the mail in my pajamas. Well, it doesn’t only… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to…