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auzieforever705

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auzieforever705

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  • Number of visits : 2573
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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auzieforever705's page activity

Visits<b>vernk</b> - the 02/13/2014 at 9:58pm<b>FrankHotpants</b> - the 01/05/2014 at 7:53pm<b>frankiero</b> - the 01/03/2014 at 9:15am<b>Exhaling</b> - the 12/19/2013 at 10:50pm<b>BEATLEJUICE98</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 1:10am<b>crimsonlilies</b> - the 12/10/2013 at 8:16am<b>jessika_44</b> - the 09/13/2013 at 1:51am<b>JillianBall</b> - the 06/04/2013 at 6:38pm

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auzieforever705's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time, and I tried to be sexy by raking my nails down his back. I guess I did it a little too hard, because he shrieked in pain, leapt off me, and limped around the room cursing and whimpering. Mood ruined. FML

#21080573
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43558) - you deserved it (22881)

On 03/07/2014 at 2:47pm - intimacy - by onepussytwopussy (woman) - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, I learned the worst part about being dared to shave your ass hair: Stubble. FML

#21079543
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35878) - you deserved it (15004)

On 03/06/2014 at 9:54am - health - by DaggerHole (man) - Australia

Today, I was in my Honors English class. I sneezed very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture. I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." FML

Today, I was excited to see a spider skittering across my bathroom floor, because this one was real and not a hallucination. FML

Today, every "entry level" job in my field is now requiring 2-5 years experience. I don't think they understand what "entry level" actually means. FML

#21078902
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39897) - you deserved it (3006)

On 03/05/2014 at 4:37pm - work - by mr1234 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

#21077955
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41665) - you deserved it (2975)

On 03/04/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by fuck you, jack (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

#21074731
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49005) - you deserved it (5602)

On 03/01/2014 at 5:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I made myself a hot pocket for lunch. I managed to scald myself on the red-hot cheese, and at the same time bite into the center, which was somehow still frozen solid. FML

#21073990
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34509) - you deserved it (6502)

On 02/28/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by loserr (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be cute to put his penis through a doughnut and try to make me eat it off. FML

#21072191
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46943) - you deserved it (9240)

On 02/26/2014 at 1:53pm - intimacy - by lovely (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I found out that the little arrow next to my gas gauge actually points to the side of the car where the tank is. For the past year-and-a-half I've been sticking my head out the window and even calling my parents to ask which side it was on, because I can never remember. FML

#21071932
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16431) - you deserved it (45999)

On 02/26/2014 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, a guy from work that I barely know gave me sunflowers for my birthday. He told me, "You mentioned they were your favorite." I mentioned it to my family at home a few days ago. FML

#21069947
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46005) - you deserved it (4121)

On 02/23/2014 at 11:18pm - love - by You Are My Sunshine (woman) - United States (California)

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

#21069793
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17484) - you deserved it (35878)

On 02/23/2014 at 9:22pm - health - by owmyfoot - United States (California)

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with play-doh and made a sculpture that resembled a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

#21069587
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42821) - you deserved it (5436)

On 02/23/2014 at 5:27pm - kids - by hot sweet.... not (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, I woke up with a strange and itchy feeling in my anus. When I told my boyfriend about it, he started laughing. I still don't know what he did. FML

#21068972
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51081) - you deserved it (6055)

On 02/22/2014 at 11:40pm - intimacy - by dontgothere (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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