Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

asparagus12

Offline (the 05/14/2014 at 2:56am) | Search for a member

asparagus12

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 355
  • Number of comments : 110
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 9 posted

About asparagus12 : I sing the "Fresh Prince" theme song in my head throughout the day. There are just so many situations that remind me of the show. During elementary school we watched "Fat Albert" during PE on rainy days. I once did a parody of the song "They Call Me Mellow Yellow" for IPC class during a presentation about lithium. I called the song "They Call Me Manic Depressive." I enjoy watching Doctor Who. Wibley Wobley Timey Wimey Spacey Wacey. Bow ties ARE cool. I have a black friend who loves portraying stereotypes to make me laugh. Sometimes he drops the "N" bomb which makes me very uncomfortable. He gets a good laugh out of that then calls me a "Nagger." We both enjoy SouthPark. I like dogs. I do not like cats. Rabbits are cool though. I secretly enjoy Miley Cyrus. I use this site for a good laugh or to read judgmental comments. Whichever.

asparagus12's page activity

Visits<b>EchoSerenity</b> - the 07/24/2014 at 2:23am<b>Burritoshake</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 1:26pm<b>LeDaniel</b> - the 06/17/2014 at 12:36pm<b>gary3768</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 11:37pm<b>cdawg69</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 12:34pm<b>xkore787</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 12:04am<b>violetsweety</b> - the 06/10/2014 at 5:27pm<b>harleygb</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 1:57pm<b>nick2356</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 9:20am<b>Crofty92</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 3:20am<b>Martinez0285</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 3:56pm<b>Taylor22294</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 5:14pm<b>kmcruz417</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 12:43pm<b>NotAWalnut</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 9:43am<b>wanted_2_want</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 9:13am<b>OochenSnoochen</b> - the 06/04/2014 at 9:00am<b>10nachoman10</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 10:34pm<b>Demonface54</b> - the 05/28/2014 at 7:43pm

asparagus12's FML badges

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of asparagus12's badges

asparagus12's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at a buffet with my kids and husband. As my boys got up to get more food, I told them they'd better come back with something green on their plate. They both came back with mint ice cream and got a high-five from my husband. FML

#21154562
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46257) - you deserved it (27695)

On 05/28/2014 at 12:28pm - kids - by outsmartedbykids (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML

#21153463
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48240) - you deserved it (6366)

On 05/27/2014 at 2:47pm - misc - by N O - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I told my girlfriend that I love her. She panicked and blurted out our S&M safeword. FML

#21152151
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46231) - you deserved it (6393)

On 05/26/2014 at 11:53am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I woke up from a drunken one-night-stand. The person I slept with turned out to be heavily pregnant. She tried to convince me that I am the father and that I passed out for 7 months. FML

Today, my purse was stolen from my bag while I was on the train. The thief will be surprised to find that it wasn't my money purse, but in fact my "period purse". Hope they find tampons useful. FML

#20906908
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49206) - you deserved it (4189)

On 10/04/2013 at 5:39am - misc - by haveahappyperiod (woman) -

Today, I was verbally abused by a customer at my job. Apparently, wearing "ugly, thick-framed hipster glasses as a fashion statement is a HUGE faux pas." These are my actual prescription glasses, and "faux pas" is not pronounced "fox paws". FML

#20840053
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42280) - you deserved it (3267)

On 08/16/2013 at 7:08am - misc - by hipster glasses - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

#20731669
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49127) - you deserved it (6446)

On 06/17/2013 at 4:07pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend was extremely nervous to meet my parents but I made him do it anyway. One of the first things out of his mouth was, "I'm glad you had sex." When they gave him a look of shock, he added, "You know, when you made your daughter! She's awesome!" FML

Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML

#20582197
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46865) - you deserved it (4844)

On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

#20019911
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27606) - you deserved it (4294)

On 08/14/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my husband went in for surgery and handed me an important document. It wasn't a will or anything similar, but a list of items and gold he wanted passed on to guild members on World of Warcraft. FML

#17642132
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27378) - you deserved it (3895)

On 09/02/2011 at 4:02am - health - by WoWWidow (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I were in our room getting hot and heavy. As he was entering me, he started making electronic whirring sounds. Once inside, he said in a robotic voice, "Initiating launch sequence in 3... 2... 1..." and began thrusting as fast as possible. FML

#14333152
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41348) - you deserved it (8699)

On 12/25/2010 at 8:38am - intimacy - by Jessie - United States (Texas)

Today, I was woken up at 3:00 am to the sound of a tape recording of a baby crying, loudly. This has been going on for 3 nights, non stop. Why? because I brought up the subject of having a baby with my wife. Clearly, you can see where she stands. FML

#12241266
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32949) - you deserved it (11328)

On 08/01/2010 at 4:45am - kids - by kfoehslfns - United States (Oregon)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: