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asleepingbear

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asleepingbear
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 25 April 1996 (17 years)
  • Number of visits : 426
  • Number of comments : 85
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 39 posted

About asleepingbear : I dont know

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

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asleepingbear's favorite FMLs

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

#5974378
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28879) - you deserved it (7981)

On 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm - intimacy - by sad_dad (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to eat with my girlfriend, her parents and my mother. My mother complained about every aspect of the service. When I told her she needed to assert herself, she took her pocketbook and hit me over the head. The whole restaurant stared at us while she yelled "Is that assertive enough?" FML

#5544276
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28687) - you deserved it (5533)

On 09/29/2009 at 7:31am - misc - by User06606 (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and refused to give me back the condoms I'd just bought. Why? Because she wants to use them with the guys she's been cheating on me with. FML

#3564614
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47181) - you deserved it (3652)

On 07/07/2009 at 9:12pm - love - by hopeless (man) - United States

Today, I decided to start running to stay fit. Before I left, I put my cell phone in my sweat shirt pocket, and jumped vigorously up and down and ran around my apartment to make sure it wouldn't fall out. On a bridge, it slides out of my pocket and drops fifteen feet into the water below. FML

#3360429
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37005) - you deserved it (14068)

On 06/30/2009 at 5:23am - health - by Ginny (woman) - Netherlands (Friesland)

Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

#3142518
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24957) - you deserved it (75346)

On 06/23/2009 at 10:19am - work - by uneek14 (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was finally going to Best Buy to get The Sims 3. I was so excited to get it that I ran to the back of the store to get it, and tripped over a little boy in the process, which made me stumble into a CD rack and knock it over. Which made the rest of the CD racks fall over like dominoes. FML

#2759845
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13952) - you deserved it (51195)

On 06/09/2009 at 10:37pm - misc - by Sims3luver (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML

#532942
331 comments

Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML

#507959
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (195571) - you deserved it (18855)

On 03/21/2009 at 11:38am - intimacy - by Mike (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, at a hard rock concert, a bunch of guys accidentally knocked down a port-a-potty while moshing. I was inside that port-a-potty. FML

#231694
155 comments

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

#209116
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (218811) - you deserved it (28161)

On 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm - intimacy - by Girl123999 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

#56665
496 comments

I agree, your life sucks (213910) - you deserved it (73293)

On 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm - kids - by offbeans (man) - United States (California)

Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my penis around because it feels good and I was alone. Two minutes later the rest of the team hops into the shower with me. 30 dudes, one self-induced boner. FML

#21808
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8995) - you deserved it (62169)

On 02/10/2009 at 7:01pm - intimacy - by JLoistheBomb (man) - United States (New York)



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