asleepingbear

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asleepingbear

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 25 April 1996 (20 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1058
  • Number of comments : 85
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 39 posted

About asleepingbear : I dont know

asleepingbear's page activity

Visits<b>redstone7693</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 6:41pm<b>GucciFrog</b> - the 07/15/2014 at 8:08pm<b>WarDrifterz</b> - the 09/19/2013 at 2:38am<b>Roskie</b> - the 09/16/2013 at 7:49am<b>Han1156</b> - the 09/16/2013 at 6:59am<b>iamataco</b> - the 09/06/2013 at 6:23pm<b>LittleJess23</b> - the 09/06/2013 at 10:21am<b>blueeyedann</b> - the 09/06/2013 at 7:36am<b>Nick_Le_Geek</b> - the 07/19/2013 at 10:47am<b>grace31297</b> - the 07/19/2013 at 7:12am<b>TheCutestLizard</b> - the 07/19/2013 at 4:40am<b>jadeluv</b> - the 07/17/2013 at 1:53pm<b>intheheart</b> - the 07/08/2013 at 10:45pm<b>Out_Fade</b> - the 07/08/2013 at 1:51pm<b>Boo_bear_killer</b> - the 07/08/2013 at 4:53am<b>tsent8</b> - the 06/06/2013 at 12:02am<b>dead_insects</b> - the 04/02/2013 at 11:13pm<b>LupeTabasco</b> - the 03/15/2013 at 1:11pm

asleepingbear's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

An insomniac or a creature of the dark

You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of asleepingbear's badges

asleepingbear's favorite FMLs

Today, I got home from work and heard the shower in my bathroom running. Thinking my wife was taking a shower, I got completely undressed and walked in. My wife wasn't in the shower, instead I found my daughter and her boyfriend in the shower, making out. There was an awkward moment of silence. FML

by sad_dad / 10/24/2009 at 1:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I went to eat with my girlfriend, her parents and my mother. My mother complained about every aspect of the service. When I told her she needed to assert herself, she took her pocketbook and hit me over the head. The whole restaurant stared at us while she yelled "Is that assertive enough?" FML

by User06606 / 09/29/2009 at 7:31am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and refused to give me back the condoms I'd just bought. Why? Because she wants to use them with the guys she's been cheating on me with. FML

by hopeless / 07/07/2009 at 9:12pm / United States / Love

Today, I decided to start running to stay fit. Before I left, I put my cell phone in my sweat shirt pocket, and jumped vigorously up and down and ran around my apartment to make sure it wouldn't fall out. On a bridge, it slides out of my pocket and drops fifteen feet into the water below. FML

by Ginny / 06/30/2009 at 5:23am / Netherlands (Friesland) / Health

Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML

by uneek14 / 06/23/2009 at 10:19am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidentally drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML

by Rhyno / 05/05/2009 at 11:37am / United States (New York) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at a sandwich shop and couldn't help but secretly remove a loose hair from a girl standing in front of me. I yanked it and she instantly began screaming and crying. It was in fact a very long mole hair. The thing started bleeding like a gunshot wound. My apologies went unnoticed. FML

Today, I had to sleep in the same room as my grandparents. They checked to see if I was asleep, so I pretended to be to avoid getting scolded for staying up. Turns out they were checking so that they could make love. I witnessed two 70-year-olds have sex in the bed next to me for 20 minutes. FML

by Mike / 03/21/2009 at 11:38am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, at a hard rock concert, a bunch of guys accidentally knocked down a port-a-potty while moshing. I was inside that port-a-potty. FML

by shit_upon_literally / 03/07/2009 at 12:51am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was talking to my mom. During the conversation she asked me, "Does he take his leg off when you guys are having sex?" Referring to the guy I've been seeing who has a prosthetic leg. My dad then asked, "Does he beat you with it too if you've been naughty?" FML

by Girl123999 / 03/04/2009 at 6:07pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML

by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, while in our communal showers in the highschool football locker room, I started to swing my penis around because it feels good and I was alone. Two minutes later the rest of the team hops into the shower with me. 30 dudes, one self-induced boner. FML

by JLoistheBomb / 02/10/2009 at 7:01pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy