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Perfectionist
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Today, I made a new friend. He seemed pretty cool, until we came to the topic of religion and the ancient alien theory. I'm seemingly now friends with a guy who thinks alien Jesus raped an Earth woman, and we're the resulting cross-breed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13709) - you deserved it (2158)
On 03/27/2012 at 3:40am - misc - by blueglover - United States (California)
Today, I was leaning over a fence in a pasture to get a closer look at something. Nobody warned my nuts that it was an electric fence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14391) - you deserved it (7004)
On 03/27/2012 at 1:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a few on my girlfriend. Instead of having a mind-blowing orgasm, she started cackling and said I looked like a giraffe trying to bob for apples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15232) - you deserved it (3670)
On 03/26/2012 at 4:56pm - intimacy - by JC (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, my husband thought it would be funny to scare me by maniacally zooming in and out of traffic while we were on his motorcycle. His mood turned to anger when I nervously admitted to having voided my bowels. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15306) - you deserved it (2065)
On 03/26/2012 at 12:15pm - misc - by Shantwozzlah (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I found out my 12 year old daughter is going through a bit of an "emotional" stage. I got a call from her school saying she was sitting in the corner at recess trying to cut her wrist. With a plastic spoon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22240) - you deserved it (4404)
On 03/26/2012 at 10:54am - kids - by ohhdear.___. (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I wore my new Brazilian thong bikini to the pool for the first time. I was lying face down feeling so sexy, until flies started buzzing my butt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7079) - you deserved it (27417)
On 03/25/2012 at 11:34am - misc - by BookBabe (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that when my girlfriend said she gave up sex for lent, it was just with me and not my brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30003) - you deserved it (1714)
On 03/25/2012 at 9:11am - intimacy - by ohno - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I realized I've been confusing scenes from The Lord of the Rings with American history. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5357) - you deserved it (15727)
On 03/24/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by Avery - United States (California)
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25494) - you deserved it (4297)
On 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm - intimacy - by PUA - United States (Georgia)
Today, my therapist gave me some great self-sufficiency advice. It sounded familiar. When I got home I realized she had been quoting Christina Aguilera songs. For £100 an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18961) - you deserved it (2523)
On 03/13/2012 at 1:33pm - health - by PixieWrists - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)
Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17305) - you deserved it (16226)
On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)
Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10582) - you deserved it (35220)
On 03/08/2012 at 2:03pm - intimacy - by Fraser - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13952) - you deserved it (20572)
On 02/26/2012 at 10:31am - work - by Miss_Kristen - United States (Missouri)
Today, I told my mom about an article I'd seen that said people tend to make the most mistakes at 2 to 3 in the morning. Without a trace of humor in her voice, she said, "Tell me about it. You were conceived round about then." FML
I agree, your life sucks (19946) - you deserved it (2071)
Today, I found the list my wife made of the things she was going to give up for Lent. The first one was "Sex with other men". FML
I agree, your life sucks (31736) - you deserved it (2117)
On 02/25/2012 at 9:35am - intimacy - by fmylifebigtime - United States (Massachusetts)
Monday 20 May 2013
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