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Today, a guy asked me why I'm single. As a joke, I told him that not only do I have a penis, but that it's so large that most men are intimidated by it. He wasn't impressed. And I actually wonder why I'm single. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7334) - you deserved it (17594)
On 04/13/2012 at 9:11am - intimacy - by joolsie (woman) - United Kingdom (York)
Today, I woke up to a note from my parents saying we need to talk. Assuming it was about the weed I'd left on my dresser, I quickly confessed. Turns out my dog died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7557) - you deserved it (22247)
On 04/12/2012 at 9:02pm - misc - by marymark - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I tried to convince my daughter that the "To boldly go where no man has gone before" speech is from Star Trek, and is not an actual historical speech by the first man on the moon. She has decided to include it in her university essay on Neil Armstrong anyway. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16154) - you deserved it (2503)
On 04/12/2012 at 2:49pm - misc - by Ameel (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I was at a party, when the cops busted us. Since I'm underage, I hid behind a chair for an hour and a half while they breathalyzed everyone and sat them in the same room I was in. The cops left, everyone realized I was behind the chair, and now my nickname is "Anne Frank". FML
I agree, your life sucks (11084) - you deserved it (24440)
On 04/12/2012 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I met a guy while out with some friends. He kept blowing up his cheeks, so I did it back to him and asked him why he did it. He pulled out a card from his wallet and pointed at it. It was a card saying he may have speech or facial difficulties because he had a stroke when he was 12. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17238) - you deserved it (8887)
On 04/12/2012 at 9:47am - misc - by Holls (woman) - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)
Today, my son had to call me from his school's principal's office because he was disrupting his health class by laughing whenever the teacher said "sex". My son is 16. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18069) - you deserved it (2578)
On 04/12/2012 at 12:18am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my anxiety was so bad that when I was riding my bike on the side walk and two pedestrians came walking in the opposite direction, I got so nervous about having to go between them or accidentally hitting them that I fell off my bike, into a bush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13686) - you deserved it (3528)
On 04/09/2012 at 1:31am - misc - by sydstreet - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I went to a basketball game. A very pretty woman sat next to him. During the third quarter, the kiss cam came on. But it didn't show him and me, it showed him and the other girl. And they kissed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38066) - you deserved it (2628)
On 04/07/2012 at 11:19pm - love - by jordyn173 - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my wife sent me to the store to pick stuff up so we could make BLTs. I got the bacon, but couldn't remember what else went into them, so I bought an avocado and napkins. When I got back home, my wife very slowly and sarcastically explained what BLT stands for. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5074) - you deserved it (33439)
On 04/07/2012 at 3:40pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States
Today, my eleven year old daughter called me a moron, after I told her she was dead wrong when she claimed that rabbits lay eggs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17785) - you deserved it (3480)
On 03/30/2012 at 2:44pm - kids - by James (man) - United States
Today, my husband and I found out that our daughter's chronic stomach aches are due to gluten intolerance, so we need to cut all wheat out of our diet. We're bakers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24624) - you deserved it (1830)
On 03/30/2012 at 2:28pm - kids - by MDWilde (woman) - United States (Alaska)
Today, while walking down the street, I saw a man attacking a woman in an alley. I ran to help, and shoved the man away from her. Except it turns out he wasn't attacking her; he was getting it on with his fiancée. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22673) - you deserved it (3458)
On 03/28/2012 at 1:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, one of my nostrils became completely blocked. At lunch time, I went out to my car to dig into my nose. When I finished, I held up the cornflake sized booger in victory. I noticed too late that my boss was in a car adjacent to me, shooting me a horrified look. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7062) - you deserved it (16550)
On 03/28/2012 at 12:25pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I dropped off my 19 year old daughter at her first job. It's at a strip club. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22789) - you deserved it (16273)
On 03/27/2012 at 1:51pm - kids - by azmom - United States (Arizona)
Today, I got more happy birthday wishes on my porn account than my Facebook. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8635) - you deserved it (17961)
On 03/27/2012 at 12:24pm - misc - by MattBC97 - United States (Illinois)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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