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Today, I spoke to my hormonal pregnant wife about baby names. I told her I liked the name "Tabitha", and she went into a full rage about how all letters have textures, colours and emotions and how T is an evil letter. Apparently it's orange, plastic, and a needle trying to stab her eyes out. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20663) - you deserved it (2961)
On 07/09/2012 at 3:31am - kids - by LNamesOnly (man) - Australia
Today, I let my daughter bake a cake for her brother's fifth birthday party. She showed up later with a cake in the shape of a cock and balls. Apparently it's okay, though, because "I frosted it to look like a rocket, hehehe!" I can't believe my balls spawned this moron. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15844) - you deserved it (4462)
On 06/29/2012 at 5:39pm - misc - by Nick (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I learned that if you're going to use vicks vapor rub for a cold, you should remember to wash your hands before changing your tampon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21772) - you deserved it (10620)
On 06/15/2012 at 2:19am - health - by sickness_sucks - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I went to see a movie with my girlfriend and a few others. Mid-way through, I noticed my girlfriend giving a hand-job to my best friend. I couldn't believe my eyes, and I confronted them. He claimed he had been asleep, she claimed she was mopping up a spill, and I'm now single again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40888) - you deserved it (2360)
On 06/14/2012 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by aranya (man) - Netherlands (Overijssel)
Today, I took my girlfriend to a family dinner so she could meet my parents. Over the dinner, she asked my dad what's he's been up to since he retired. He replied, "recreational gynecology, my dear" and gave her a weird wink. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23468) - you deserved it (1759)
On 06/01/2012 at 4:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Greece (Attiki)
Today, I found out that my colleagues had replaced my email auto-responder with a message saying, "I'm away for two weeks in Brazil. Due to the surgery, when I return, please address me by my new name: Crystal." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22802) - you deserved it (2307) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/31/2012 at 4:19pm - love - by Monsieur-Madame (man) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)
Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7626) - you deserved it (28332)
On 05/26/2012 at 10:42am - intimacy - by girly girly - United States (Texas)
Today, my friends switched my mom and my girlfriend's numbers in my phone. I sexted my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25543) - you deserved it (6298)
On 05/26/2012 at 3:15am - intimacy - by ilovemymomma - United States (Texas)
Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18944) - you deserved it (1947)
On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)
Today, my daughter's bed broke. Trying to see the damage, I lay down on her floor to get a closer look. I saw mountains of condom boxes under there. Now I know why the bed broke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28876) - you deserved it (3585)
On 05/19/2012 at 11:08am - intimacy - by maggierose171 - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I woke up after a long night of drinking with my friends. I vaguely remembered visiting a tattoo parlour, but nothing prepared me for the sight of the words "YOLO" and "MOFO" tattooed across the fingers of my left and right hands. Now I'm officially a bandwagoning douchebag. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6278) - you deserved it (23131)
On 05/16/2012 at 5:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, my boyfriend walked in on me as I was browsing a baby name website. I explained to him that I was naming characters for a novel I was planning to write, but he is completely convinced that I'm pregnant, and has even told his parents. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18526) - you deserved it (2420)
On 05/16/2012 at 4:20am - kids - by inapickle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, I was told the Mandarin greeting that my new Chinese friends at school taught me was not really a greeting at all. I've been proclaiming "I'm a dumb bitch" every time I've greeted them, almost every day for the past month. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17521) - you deserved it (5685)
Today, I'm on a trip to Poland with some friends. We came to experience the country's culture, and to challenge our preconceptions about this part of Europe. We had sat on a bench, and not ten seconds later, a stranger approached and asked, "How much for your friend?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (14787) - you deserved it (1716) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 05/15/2012 at 11:59am - misc - by LearnToLive -
Today, whilst working in a pharmacy, I was given the pleasure of listening to an old lady share the details of what she sticks up her vagina. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18808) - you deserved it (1597)
On 05/15/2012 at 4:08am - intimacy - by uni life (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Monday 20 May 2013
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