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Today, I totaled mah car, because I mistook the leaves blowing across the road fir a child. I swerved and hit a tree. The home owner wants to sue fir "harming his tree" and hospital wants to test mah mental stability. mega FML
Today, I Found Out Apparently, I Have A Wierd Looking Vagina. How? My Boyfriend And I Had Sex Fir The First Time. He Took One Look At My Virginia And With A Look Of Horror Said, "I Have Never Seen One This GROSS." He's A Gynecologist And Probably Sees 20 Vaginas A Day. FML
Yesterday, I was on a bench enjoying the sun,hen a guy comes and sits next to me. Next thing I know, he lets out a loud fart, then looks way with pride. I stare back in shock. He then says to me, "Yeah, that just happend," and walks off. FML
2dayhile on mah run, I was attacked by mah neighbor's new dog!! It apparently didn't lyk me running past there house and broke free from its chain!! I now have stitches and was just told that I'm probably being taken to court 4 the emotional distress I caused her and the dog!! FML
TODAY, I UNTIED THE ROPE THAT WAS TIED TO MY DOG'S COLLAR CUZ IT WAS WRAPPED AROUND THE TREE CHOKING HIM!! HE IMMEDIATELY RAN OFF DOWN THE STREET!! I HAD TO CHASE HIM BAREFOOT IN MY BOXERS 4 20 MINUTES TILL HE GOT TIRED!! FML
Today, I was in a public restroom with my 4 year old daughter!! I took her in the stall with me, and as I was using the restroom she looked down and loudly asked, "Mommy! Why do u have a beard on your peepee?!!" Then I heard everybody in the stalls next to us laughing!! FML
Taday mah 2 year old had a large booger blocking his nose so I pulled it out. I was on the phone and absentmindedly rolling it around between mah thumb and pointer finger. I putted it in mah mouth and crushed it between mah teeth 4 a solid minute before I remembered what it was. FML
Today... I was talking to my aunt about my brother's recent arrest fir drug possession. I proudly told her that I have never done drugs of any kind. Her response: "Well... actually you were born addicted to heroin... so you had a drug problem long before your brother." FML
Friday 27 March 2015