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asdfghjklana
  • Town/Country : New York, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2615
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About asdfghjklana : Hi, I'm Alana and have no life whatsoever

asdfghjklana's last visitors

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asdfghjklana's FML badges

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Who’s the fairest of them all?

This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

See all of asdfghjklana's badges

asdfghjklana's favorite FMLs

Today, a girl I've never met before came up to me and punched me in the face, because she wanted to get suspended. FML

#21036028
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46668) - you deserved it (3385)

On 01/22/2014 at 11:30am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML

#21035364
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48742) - you deserved it (5351)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:59pm - love - by FacebookStrikesAgain (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50016) - you deserved it (7371)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML

#21031998
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30284) - you deserved it (51089)

On 01/18/2014 at 5:55pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my roommate, who has bipolar disorder and refuses to take his meds, tried to stab me with a kitchen knife because I threw out his moldy cheese. FML

#21031274
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41816) - you deserved it (4899)

On 01/17/2014 at 10:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, there was a forest fire in my town. I was still forced to go to school, as it was safer. A lot of people decided not to go, and we ended up doing nothing but watching the news reports. There, I got to see my house burning on live TV. FML

#21030359
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65050) - you deserved it (3960)

On 01/16/2014 at 10:42pm - misc - by Fire sucks. (man) - United States

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

#21027337
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44714) - you deserved it (6946)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:48am - misc - by rholt (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

#21026318
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21348) - you deserved it (47511)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was getting ready for a night out with the girls, and without any hint of trickery, just wanting an honest answer, I asked my boyfriend how I looked in the dress I chose. He immediately dropped to his knees, yelled, "NOOOOOOOOO!" and calmly left the room. FML

#21024776
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36067) - you deserved it (7668)

On 01/11/2014 at 6:13pm - misc - by -_-" (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML

#21024175
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43108) - you deserved it (4818)

On 01/11/2014 at 12:55am - love - by rollergirl13 - United States (Alaska)

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

#21021931
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37926) - you deserved it (11548)

On 01/08/2014 at 10:23pm - misc - by chapstick (man) - United States (California)

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

#21021456
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57475) - you deserved it (3796)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by stalked - United States (Florida)

Today, I learned that my new parakeet hates her reflection, and will screech loudly day and night unless I take the mirror out. My other parakeet loves the mirror and constantly cries out when I remove it. I can't win. FML

#21021435
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41074) - you deserved it (5373)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - animals - by bird - United States (Michigan)

Today, I tried to lose my virginity to my boyfriend of a year. We're almost twenty. In the end, we both chickened out and played Pokémon instead. FML

#21020996
278 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53775) - you deserved it (22283)

On 01/08/2014 at 12:43am - intimacy - by gottacatchemall (woman) - United States

Today, my friends and I went camping in the woods. I fell asleep first. Waking up hours later to them bunched up together in the middle of the tent and me half-way outside, I confronted them about it. They admitted, "We heard a bear so we needed a sacrifice." FML

#21020901
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46068) - you deserved it (4928)

On 01/07/2014 at 11:37pm - misc - by bear food - United States (California)



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