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Offline (the 07/27/2015 at 3:27am) | Search for a member
About asdfghjklana : Hi, I'm Alana and have no life whatsoever
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Today, I moved into my new apartment complex. I left some items including a cherished painting my best friend made for me outside the front door while I moved furniture into my bedroom. When I went back outside, someone had kicked a huge hole in the painting. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML
Today, I was shopping with my dad and I saw one of my guy friends, so we waved and smiled at each other. My dad clearly thought his wave was too "romantic", because he shouted at him, "Touch her, and I'll kill you." FML
Today, it was my girlfriend's birthday, so I decided to take her to a fancy restaurant and give her an expensive $400 necklace that I had bought. Being traditional, I asked the waiter to arrange it nicely on the tray when he came with our dessert. Neither he nor the necklace ever showed up. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of New Year's Eve partying. I remember the night going great. What I don't remember is laying naked in the shower while my girlfriend ran water over my body to make me feel better. I also made my own funeral plans because I was convinced I was going to die. FML
Today, while putting a water bottle into the fridge, I suddenly had to sneeze. The force of my sneezing propelled my head against the open fridge door, causing a gushing wound to my forehead. Bless me. FML
Today, my boyfriend sent me a screenshot of his phone's contact list, to show me the adorable photo of us he'd set as my contact image. I guess he didn't realize that a contact called "Side Babe" was just barely in the screenshot too. FML
Today, I ran into my ex-boyfriend at the store. Before I knew what was happening, he'd sniffed me and started whimpering about how I don't smell like I used to. He does this kind of crazy shit all the time. FML
Today, my obsessive stalker of an ex found my girlfriend on Facebook and sent her a message saying just ":)". For some reason I'll never understand, she took this as a sign that I'd just slept with my ex. Now I'm single, and my ex is probably planning her next move. FML
Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML
Today, I went to the dry-cleaner's and went to get my bag of laundry from my trunk, but I ended up dropping the bag. My dirty underwear blew around the parking lot. I had to chase it all down as a bunch of people looked on. FML
Friday 31 July 2015