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asdfghjklana
  • Town/Country : New York, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2518
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About asdfghjklana : Hi, I'm Alana and have no life whatsoever

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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asdfghjklana's favorite FMLs

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

#21112870
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34681) - you deserved it (3955)

On 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

#21111720
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32666) - you deserved it (3098)

On 04/13/2014 at 5:33am - love - by Ticklish - United States (Iowa)

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
328 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56095) - you deserved it (26631)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after cleaning my house because I'd thrown a party all weekend while my parents were gone, I still got caught because somebody tried to make beer popsicles with Q-Tips in the ice trays in my freezer. FML

#21106348
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18772) - you deserved it (35701)

On 04/06/2014 at 11:03pm - misc - by trp007 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

#21104962
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35753) - you deserved it (5433)

On 04/05/2014 at 3:14am - intimacy - by armtits and big pits - United States (Florida)

Today, while reading the paper I saw a picture of a guy I really like that I met online. The picture is in the obituaries. No wonder he hasn't called. FML

#21103818
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40991) - you deserved it (2968)

On 04/03/2014 at 5:22pm - love - by kubbyp (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was working at a coffee shop. I was serving a customer when a cockroach appeared out of nowhere, and I screamed. Customers aren't supposed to know about the bugs so I had to lie and say I spilled coffee on myself, and served the customer while I felt the bug climbing up my leg. FML

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

#21099601
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35272) - you deserved it (3739)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:07pm - work - by ohdear. (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

#21097985
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39485) - you deserved it (5587)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm - love - by oops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I am most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML

#21096727
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35139) - you deserved it (4492)

On 03/26/2014 at 4:45am - animals - by Punphmelch (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, I learned the hard way that when I ask a cute girl if she's artistic, it sounds like I'm asking her if she's autistic. FML

Today, at my job as a bouncer at a music venue, a guy got his nose broken in a rowdy mosh pit. When I went to help him up and see if he was okay, he said, "It was an accident, please don't kick me out," but the word "please" came out as a hot spray of his blood across my face. FML

#21095237
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35415) - you deserved it (2783)

On 03/24/2014 at 2:53pm - work - by bloodyhell - United States (Colorado)

Today, I ripped my old, worn underwear while trying to pick a wedgie in public. Half ended up in my hand. FML

#21095019
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29272) - you deserved it (18183)

On 03/24/2014 at 8:39am - misc - by pantyripper (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

#21092859
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41590) - you deserved it (5190)

On 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

#21092367
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39851) - you deserved it (3756)

On 03/21/2014 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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