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asdfghjklana
  • Town/Country : New York, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2603
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About asdfghjklana : Hi, I'm Alana and have no life whatsoever

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Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

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This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.

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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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asdfghjklana's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

#21119041
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33431) - you deserved it (8648)

On 04/21/2014 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by sexual parrot -

Today, I accidentally let a huge one rip while tending to an older patient at the nursing home where I work. The patient passed away shortly thereafter. Coincidence? FML

#21116703
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36424) - you deserved it (5716)

On 04/18/2014 at 9:19pm - work - by Anonymous - Norway (Nordland)

Today, my ex-husband came to pick up our two kids for his weekend with them. Seeing his new girlfriend was in the car, and desperate for conversation, I asked her name. My kids unhesitatingly blurted out, "Mom". FML

#21115862
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43698) - you deserved it (4055)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:31pm - kids - by mommy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and in the heat of the moment I cried out for him to go harder. He had an exasperated expression on his face, and in an adamantly offended tone he said, "Don't tell me what to do." Then he stopped and left the room. FML

#21115855
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41411) - you deserved it (5203)

On 04/17/2014 at 10:27pm - intimacy - by belljars (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had my teacher look over my essay before turning it in. He said it was extremely well-written, so I handed it in. When I got it back, the feedback he left said it was one of the worst essays he'd ever read. FML

#21115571
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43169) - you deserved it (3637)

On 04/17/2014 at 3:59pm - work - by badessaymyass (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, in the middle of sex, my girlfriend yelled, "STUFF ME LIKE A TURKEY!" I couldn't finish. FML

#21112870
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44181) - you deserved it (5271)

On 04/14/2014 at 4:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I realized that my boyfriend is so obsessed with tickling me that my body has developed a conditioned response. Now I flinch every time he touches me, no matter what we're doing. FML

#21111720
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36340) - you deserved it (3334)

On 04/13/2014 at 5:33am - love - by Ticklish - United States (Iowa)

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
335 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59819) - you deserved it (28956)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, after cleaning my house because I'd thrown a party all weekend while my parents were gone, I still got caught because somebody tried to make beer popsicles with Q-Tips in the ice trays in my freezer. FML

#21106348
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19073) - you deserved it (36464)

On 04/06/2014 at 11:03pm - misc - by trp007 (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to my crush's house. We were watching a movie when suddenly he started kissing me. As it deepened he began to feel around. He was groping my armpit the whole time but I was too embarrassed that my underarm could pass for my boobs to redirect him. FML

#21104962
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37115) - you deserved it (5490)

On 04/05/2014 at 3:14am - intimacy - by armtits and big pits - United States (Florida)

Today, while reading the paper I saw a picture of a guy I really like that I met online. The picture is in the obituaries. No wonder he hasn't called. FML

#21103818
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42047) - you deserved it (2978)

On 04/03/2014 at 5:22pm - love - by kubbyp (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was working at a coffee shop. I was serving a customer when a cockroach appeared out of nowhere, and I screamed. Customers aren't supposed to know about the bugs so I had to lie and say I spilled coffee on myself, and served the customer while I felt the bug climbing up my leg. FML

Today, while searching a woman for contraband as part of my job, she kept making sexual noises throughout. After I finished, she hugged me and went on her way. I really need a new job. FML

#21099601
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35463) - you deserved it (3746)

On 03/29/2014 at 7:07pm - work - by ohdear. (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML

#21097985
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39751) - you deserved it (5605)

On 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm - love - by oops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, no matter how many toys and teddies she has, and no matter how much I punish her, I am most likely never going to be able to break my 10-week-old puppy's habit of stealing my underwear. She doesn't eat them or even chew on them. She steals them to sleep with. FML

#21096727
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35286) - you deserved it (4502)

On 03/26/2014 at 4:45am - animals - by Punphmelch (woman) - Australia (South Australia)



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