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asb818's FML badges
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
asb818's favorite FMLs
Today, I was riding my bike, when I saw a large dog sitting in front of a house. I started to really crank the pedals, figuring that by the time it saw me, I'd be long gone. My chain popped off, I lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. The dog hadn't moved. It was a statue. FML
by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 1:01am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation
Today, I unknowingly bought a house next to a former toxic waste dump. I found out by reading an article in the paper where residents are claiming that they are experiencing cancer and birth defects. FML
by toxic waste / 02/11/2013 at 11:18pm / United States (New York) / Health
by Anonymous / 02/06/2013 at 1:00pm / United States (West Virginia) / Animals
by DogLover / 02/06/2013 at 8:59am / United States (New York) / Animals
Today, I attended my first surgery as part of my program at med school. I found out that when I see someone's intestines, I vomit. Even if I'm still wearing a surgical mask. There goes the thousands of dollars I spent on college. FML
by A troubled ex med school student / 02/05/2013 at 10:08pm / United States (Ohio) / Health
Today, I called security at my school because I left my mittens in a classroom and it was locked. When the security officer showed up, he asked if the mittens I was looking for were the ones on my hands. I even had to take one of them off to call them. FML
by swarm20 / 02/05/2013 at 12:24am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, after heavy rain my street flooded. While in my living room, I looked outside to see that my elderly neighbour was outside splashing in a knee deep puddle. He was butt-naked and wearing a snorkel and flippers. FML
by Stunned / 02/04/2013 at 4:15am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Miscellaneous
Today, my grandmother walked in on me watching porn on my computer. She looked at the woman on the screen and said, "I used to have tits like that, but look what having 7 kids did to them." Now I'm scarred for life. FML
by Master Debater / 02/01/2013 at 6:05am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I told my parents that what I'd really like for my 21st birthday is the 1865 edition of the Memoirs of Saint-Simon in 22 volumes that I found online for $200, and have been wanting for months. They laughed and said, "Yeah, right. We'll get you an iPhone and perhaps you'll become normal." FML
by HistoryFreak / 02/01/2013 at 4:19am / France / Geek
by Anonymous / 02/01/2013 at 2:01am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML
by thegirlofthedad / 01/29/2013 at 4:48am / India (Maharashtra) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 01/26/2013 at 3:42am / United States (Alaska) / Kids
by heartbroken / 01/23/2013 at 8:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by TheLastSerenade / 01/23/2013 at 3:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML
by Female / 01/22/2013 at 6:16pm / Australia (Victoria) / Kids
- Today, I was at drama club, rehearsing for a play I'm in. But I had to leave early and so I went up… Today, I was trying to avoid one of our dogs while driving down the drive. Instead I crashed into a… Today I got a question from a guest at work. I work as a scenic tour pilot and our airplanes have a…