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asb818's FML badges
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
asb818's favorite FMLs
by nraecher / 03/23/2013 at 12:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by eww. / 03/22/2013 at 1:28am / Australia / Love
by seamonkeys / 03/21/2013 at 5:42am / United States / Kids
by jisaac09 / 03/17/2013 at 1:05am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, I was fired from my job for breaking my company's tattoo policy. I have a small scar on my wrist that roughly resembles a heart. My boss insists that it's one of those white ink tattoos. No one will believe me. FML
by crap / 03/07/2013 at 3:17am / United States / Work
Today, I filled out an application for a job at Dairy Queen. I handed my application to the manager along with my résumé, and he said he'd be in contact with me. Not even five minutes after I left, a friend who works there sent me a picture of my crumpled-up application in the trash. FML
by anonymous / 03/01/2013 at 10:52am / United States (Oregon) / Work
Today, after scouring my apartment for quarters to do laundry, I found the correct amount of change. The change got jammed in the washing machine. I now have no more quarters, and my clothes are caked with soap from washing them in the sink. FML
by Anonymous / 02/27/2013 at 1:27pm / United States (Louisiana) / Money
Today, I was in bed when I rolled over and saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out and nearly peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heart pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML
by girlymae / 02/27/2013 at 2:59am / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous
Today, my fiancé is returning home, so I decided to wax myself, thinking things would get intimate. I warmed the wax strips and set them on the counter. Our cat jumped onto the counter and managed to roll onto one of the strips. Suffice to say, the wrong pussy got a painful waxing. FML
by Anonymous / 02/25/2013 at 12:57pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
Today, I came home to find that while my husband and children were mindlessly watching TV, one of our dogs got into the cupboard that stores the deep fryer. He got the lid off, ate all of the old oil and barfed everything up on the couch. FML
by Sammy / 02/25/2013 at 2:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
by BadAssBandit897 / 02/23/2013 at 8:46am / Canada / Love
by Anonymous / 02/22/2013 at 5:25am / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML
by Anonymous / 02/22/2013 at 2:57am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, the people living below me have been blasting their music so loudly that I can hear every word as clear as day. The people next door think it's my music and feel the need to bang on the wall and blast their music just as loudly in revenge. I have two very important exams tomorrow. FML
by Ughh! / 02/20/2013 at 3:40pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, I was so exhausted that I slept through my phone ringing, and later my doorbell ringing. My psycho mom freaked out, and thinking I was in trouble, broke a window to get inside. This all happened before 7am. FML
by annoyed / 02/20/2013 at 3:33pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
- Today, my phone provider informed me that I had 12 messages waiting for me on my voicemail. Happy… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to…