asb818

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asb818

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2024
  • Number of comments : 146
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

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asb818's page activity

Visits<b>pks2014</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 10:07pm<b>ZelmaSlayer</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 3:16am<b>Hiimhaileypotter</b> - the 12/30/2014 at 12:58am<b>thefastbunny</b> - the 02/02/2014 at 10:31am<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/14/2014 at 7:41pm<b>149967</b> - the 12/13/2013 at 6:17pm<b>Norris_FTW_77</b> - the 10/07/2013 at 3:27am<b>No_tag</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 6:29pm<b>ireply_wlyrics</b> - the 08/27/2013 at 1:43pm<b>edvin</b> - the 08/16/2013 at 6:27pm<b>hiimolivia</b> - the 08/01/2013 at 6:44pm<b>bnymets1</b> - the 07/12/2013 at 8:29am<b>intheheart</b> - the 07/10/2013 at 5:50pm<b>kjblack</b> - the 07/09/2013 at 1:13am<b>pipefitter69</b> - the 07/06/2013 at 9:05pm<b>legendaryplya</b> - the 06/04/2013 at 10:19pm<b>knotcool</b> - the 06/04/2013 at 8:53pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 05/04/2013 at 4:40pm

asb818's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

100 kick ass comments

100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!

See all of asb818's badges

asb818's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2013 at 12:07am / United States (Mississippi) / Health

Today, I met my birth mother. My dad won't talk to me, my mom won't stop crying and thinks I'm replacing her, and the rest of my family won't stop calling me a bitch. I'm 21, and I just wanted to meet the woman who pushed me head-first out of her vagina. FML

Today, trying to impress my in-laws, I put a lot of effort into selecting a nice bottle of wine for dinner at their house. When I got there, I gave the bottle to my wife's mother. Later, my father-in-law emerges from the kitchen to berate his wife over her poor choice of wine. It was mine. FML

by Anonymous / 08/26/2013 at 7:12pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML

by anonymous / 08/16/2013 at 10:05am / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I were spooning in bed, nude, when I accidentally farted. He freaked out and asked in all seriousness if I was trying to give his dick pink-eye. FML

by -_____- / 07/31/2013 at 5:23pm / Netherlands / Intimacy

Today, I called to confirm the appointment that I made over six months ago at the tattoo studio. Turns out my particular artist "doesn't work Tuesdays" and that they also miraculously have no record of my appointment, nor the cash deposit I had to put down. FML

Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2013 at 4:19am / United States (Illinois) / Animals

Today, I did a photoshoot with my boyfriend and his buddy. We drove out to the countryside and set up on top of a hill. My boyfriend kept having me move further and further back. I eventually fell and rolled down the steep hill, while he and his buddy high-fived each other. FML

by -_- / 07/28/2013 at 6:58pm / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up after passing out at a very small house party. I set a three drink limit, but apparently nobody listened, because there were beer cans everywhere, half my stuff was on the floor, and someone had shat in my bathtub. I had to clean all of it up alone. FML

by Anonymous / 07/18/2013 at 2:16pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I called a tree removal company to have my diseased elm removed. When I got home from work, I was surprised to find it still there. Not as surprised as my neighbor was to discover that his tree was missing, nor as surprised as his children when they saw there was no more tree-house. FML

by Anonymous / 07/18/2013 at 10:38am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 15-year-old birth daughter asked if I've ever had sex. FML

by Anonymous / 07/10/2013 at 12:38pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I found out that my parents spent all of the money in my college fund to pay for my cat to be flown to LA and audition for a movie. FML

by Anonymous / 07/05/2013 at 2:11am / United States (Iowa) / Money

Today, I left hospital after a three-night stay. Whilst waiting for my taxi to arrive, my mother called me in hysterics wanting to know where I was, because the police had called her and told her I had gone missing. Turns out my doctor "forgot" to tell anyone that I was discharged. FML

by Becckzfizz / 06/20/2013 at 10:10am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my grandma's new dildo arrived in the mail. We buried her yesterday. FML

by hinting / 06/17/2013 at 12:43pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up early to travel to the office headquarters 3.5 hours away for important meetings. After waking up at 5.30am, picking up all my colleagues and driving 40 min out of town, I realised I was wearing my woolen house slippers. They were the only pair of shoes I'd brought on the trip. FML

by vanity113 / 06/13/2013 at 12:04am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Transportation