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artiststatement

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artiststatement
  • Town/Country : Toronto, Canada
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 13 October 1989 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 7265
  • Number of comments : 42
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 7 posted

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artiststatement's favorite FMLs

Today, my guide dog sneezed so hard that it slammed its head on the floor and knocked itself out. I have to trust this dog with my life. FML

#21117679
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42507) - you deserved it (3721)

On 04/20/2014 at 12:03am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Idaho)

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

#21111822
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36805) - you deserved it (3409)

On 04/13/2014 at 10:51am - work - by worker666 (woman) - United States

Today, I got up early in the morning to get a snack, only to walk in on my "vegan" housemate eating a turkey sandwich. This bastard harasses me every other day about my meat-eating, but all he could do after he noticed me was drop the sandwich and claim he'd been sleepwalking. FML

#21104594
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36488) - you deserved it (2725)

On 04/04/2014 at 6:07pm - misc - by fuck you with a bacon cock (man) - United Kingdom (Moray)

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

#21093737
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33061) - you deserved it (11068)

On 03/22/2014 at 7:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went shopping for a wedding dress at a fancy store. The proprietor took one look at me, said they don't have any dresses large enough for me, and asked me to leave. No wonder my self-confidence is in the gutter. FML

Today, I was in my Honors English class. I sneezed very loudly while my teacher was giving a lecture. I had the genius idea to say, "Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit." FML

Today, every "entry level" job in my field is now requiring 2-5 years experience. I don't think they understand what "entry level" actually means. FML

#21078902
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38317) - you deserved it (2596)

On 03/05/2014 at 4:37pm - work - by mr1234 (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat c**t". FML

#21078597
320 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62103) - you deserved it (4391)

On 03/05/2014 at 7:33am - health - by rolypoly (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

#21077955
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39586) - you deserved it (2531)

On 03/04/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by fuck you, jack (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at my job as a librarian at an old library, I was shelving books. Things were great until one entire bookshelf fell over. The damage wasn't too bad. Then the rest fell down. FML

#21072866
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35048) - you deserved it (3083)

On 02/27/2014 at 1:21am - work - by FallCameEarly (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

Today, I was struggling through small-talk at a party where I knew nobody. Tattoos came up and I started talking about trendy, girly tattoos like feathers, anchors and infinity signs with stupid words in them. Turns out the girl I was talking to had all three. FML

#21065212
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37176) - you deserved it (9537)

On 02/19/2014 at 2:17am - misc - by thisismyawkwardface (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, a customer at work pronounced the word "Asian" as "Ah-See-Awn" when ordering a salad. I wasn't allowed to say anything. FML

#21065187
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33041) - you deserved it (3416)

On 02/19/2014 at 1:24am - work - by PaneraSucks - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

#21061796
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36765) - you deserved it (7881)

On 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm - animals - by unloved cat owner - United States (California)



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