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artiststatement

Offline (the 02/20/2014 at 5:19pm) | Search for a member

artiststatement

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 13 October 1989 (24 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 8830
  • Number of comments : 44
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 8 posted

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artiststatement's favorite FMLs

Today, my son said his first word. Unfortunately, that word was "cock." I've tried convincing myself that he's trying to say "clock" but I just can't do it. FML

#21225778
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28910) - you deserved it (5066)

On 07/31/2014 at 12:24pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was pulled over for distracted driving. I'd been eating a donut. Let's just say the officer didn't appreciate being offered one. FML

#21223797
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35348) - you deserved it (11877)

On 07/29/2014 at 2:20pm - misc - by fatty magoo - United States (Washington)

Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML

#21217858
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34187) - you deserved it (11260)

On 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm - misc - by Face fucking palm - United States (Georgia)

Today, as I was on the couch taking a nap, it started violently shaking. I panicked and chased my family outside, convinced it was an earthquake. It was just the cat trapped inside the couch. FML

Today, I walked outside to find my 3 year old daughter and her pet fish playing together on the swings. FML

#21203004
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39493) - you deserved it (4839)

On 07/08/2014 at 3:55pm - animals - by Jack00412 - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my girlfriend was feeling down because she has put on some weight. I tried to make her feel better by showing her I can still pick her up. I can, and I was even able to hide the fact that I shat myself doing it. I'm so romantic. FML

#21200680
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51413) - you deserved it (7702)

On 07/06/2014 at 3:28pm - love - by oh shit (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was reviewing documents at work, only to find one of my coworkers has been signing off on paperwork, claiming he's been walking one of the residents daily. Aside from being a double leg amputee, the patient died two weeks ago. The state review board comes this week. FML

#21198473
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35964) - you deserved it (3436)

On 07/04/2014 at 1:29pm - work - by cakefete2 (man) - United States (California)

Today, as a recruiter, I had an interview with a promising candidate for an open position at my company. The interview was going well until the candidate interrupted me halfway through to take a selfie. FML

#21187434
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43806) - you deserved it (3987)

On 06/25/2014 at 1:10am - work - by Sam - United States (California)

Today, while working in a call center at a university, someone threatened to report me to the President of the University because "I" wouldn't accept their daughter who had a 1.5 GPA and "got accepted into Harvard". I don't even make the decisions, I just answer calls. FML

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML

#21180841
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40860) - you deserved it (9216)

On 06/19/2014 at 4:10pm - work - by fuckmyjob (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML

#21152005
11 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45765) - you deserved it (5289)

On 05/26/2014 at 7:37am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, I woke to my drunk mother trying to vacuum the lawn. FML

#21147237
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46671) - you deserved it (4001)

On 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, in a waiting room, my 4-year-old daughter told me she saw two guys kissing. I quietly explained that some men like men, they're gay, and normal like everyone else. I was pleased with myself until the woman across from me scoffed and muttered, "Disgusting." FML

#21138395
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48726) - you deserved it (7454)

On 05/13/2014 at 1:42am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, it's five days until my wedding and I still can't tell my bride apart from her twin sister. They share clothes, have the same haircut, and they even take turns flirting with me to "catch me off guard" because they think it's hilarious to trick me. I'm scared I'll marry the wrong one. FML

#21133982
246 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63442) - you deserved it (8077)

On 05/08/2014 at 9:55am - love - by STOP (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, to teach my 14-year-old son a serious lesson for bullying a child at school again, I grounded him for the rest of the year. He just snorted and said, "Cool, I'll just jack off all year then! Thanks, mum!" and happily retreated to his bedroom. FML

#21132433
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42679) - you deserved it (8184)

On 05/06/2014 at 2:38pm - kids - by Satan's Mum (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)



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