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Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23506) - you deserved it (3636)
On 01/30/2012 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by ugh (man) - United States
Today, my girlfriend left me. Knowing that I am a germaphobe, she took all of my cleaning supplies and spread mud and trash everywhere. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22538) - you deserved it (5262)
On 12/07/2011 at 10:33pm - health - by skrewedguy (man) - United States
Today, at the nail salon, a Korean woman was making fun of me. I kindly told her, in Korean, that I understood. She kindly told me, in English, that she didn't care. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34747) - you deserved it (2807)
On 11/03/2011 at 8:16pm - work - by EunJung - United States
Today, I learned that all it takes to anger my sister's new parrot is to walk past its perch. I also learned that a beak over two inches long is very capable of inflicting injuries that require stitches. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18282) - you deserved it (2712)
On 11/03/2011 at 2:22am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Australia
Today, I spent about 10 minutes searching frantically for my cell phone, while holding it up to my ear and talking to my friend about my plans tonight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8006) - you deserved it (27081)
On 10/08/2011 at 11:54am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was expecting my period. To avoid the embarrassment of everyone in the office finding out, instead of putting tampons in my bag, I hid one in my bra. It fell out while I was coming back from lunch. I am now known to all as "The Tampon Dispenser". FML
I agree, your life sucks (10055) - you deserved it (21225)
On 09/22/2011 at 9:55am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I got rear-ended while on my way to work. This wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't pregnant, suffering from a horrible UTI, and running a fever. My boss called in sick, so now I'm stuck running the office alone. With whiplash. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23597) - you deserved it (1879)
On 09/01/2011 at 1:17pm - work - by ReallyNow (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I saved a honey bee from drowning in our pool. It promptly stung me and died. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23757) - you deserved it (13473)
On 07/26/2011 at 1:07pm - misc - by frankkathy - United States (Texas)
Today, I told my boyfriend his shirt and pants did not match and that he should change for dinner. All my belongings are now on the sidewalk. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20561) - you deserved it (27883)
On 07/13/2011 at 1:40am - love - by whyme - United States (California)
Today, I met my boyfriend's sophisticated grandparents. I politely introduced myself. The first words to come out of his granny's mouth were, "If something happens to him, you won't get a f*cking cent of the insurance money, you hear?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (28032) - you deserved it (2018)
On 07/07/2011 at 8:58pm - love - by Jessica - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I was wondering why I was getting strange looks all day at work. When I got to a mirror after my shift, I noticed a booger hanging out of my nose, which was visible only when I smiled. My job involves greeting people all day with a huge smile. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23429) - you deserved it (4007)
On 05/13/2011 at 8:27am - work - by Smile No More -
Today, my motorcycle was stolen. If that wasn't bad enough, the thief drove past me. Twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32097) - you deserved it (3130)
On 05/03/2011 at 10:23am - misc - by Diesel (man) - Belgium (Luxembourg)
Today, my drunk dad started yelling at my dog for not having a job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39209) - you deserved it (4361)
On 04/28/2011 at 11:53am - animals - by Cecilly2010 -
Today, I was running a marathon. I stopped to massage my stiff legs, when an elderly spectator taunted, "Oohhh yeah, that's it! Massage those legs good, boy!" She looked about 70. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21767) - you deserved it (3405)
On 04/25/2011 at 1:10pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I decided to do a word search in my daughter's Hello Kitty coloring book. It took me 30 minutes to find 6 words in a kids coloring book for ages 1 and up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8749) - you deserved it (23646)
On 02/27/2011 at 3:42am - misc - by ldbella - United States
Monday 20 May 2013
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