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Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34577) - you totally deserved it (2392)
On 08/26/2009 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)
Today, I found out that the horrific smell coming from somewhere in my kitchen was a rotting dead mouse in my dishwasher. I have been eating off plates washed in dead-mouse water for the past week. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39771) - you totally deserved it (6782)
On 08/26/2009 at 4:44am - misc - by hantavirus (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, as I got into an elevator, I spotted a little old lady hobbling desperately to get on. I frantically tapped on the 'door open' button but the doors closed. I got dirty looks from the people in the lift, only then did I realise I had frantically tapped the 'door close' button instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14443) - you totally deserved it (17667)
On 08/25/2009 at 5:17am - misc - by ElevatorThug (man) - Singapore
Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8830) - you totally deserved it (37461)
On 08/25/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by damnit (man) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, I had my friend Mark over for dinner. My Dad asked him what his dad did for a living. We all squirmed a bit when he told us that his dad died last year. We all went about finishing our meal when suddenly my dad says: "I'm sorry, Mark, what did you say your dad did for a living again?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (35621) - you totally deserved it (1045)
On 08/25/2009 at 12:40am - misc - by youzabadgirl12 - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I was flirting with this guy that had been forced to be my lab partner for class. He was really funny and attractive, too. In the middle of our conversation he said "You're so cute! You remind me of my boyfriend!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27450) - you totally deserved it (4063)
On 08/24/2009 at 5:27pm - love - by NotCuteEnough (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my wife and I had another couple over. My wife was beside me while we all talked in the kitchen. I turned to put something in the fridge, and the other couple went into the next room. Turning back, I groped my wife's breasts playfully. She screamed and slapped me. It wasn't my wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9024) - you totally deserved it (33875)
On 08/24/2009 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by InTheDoghouse23 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, an old lady came to the bank where I worked at to apply for a loan. She obviously didn't qualify for one as she has no income coming in. She looked so pitiful, so I changed a couple of her information so she could. She reported me and I got fired. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13098) - you totally deserved it (32007)
On 08/24/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by NoThanks (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, after spending $15,000 to treat my dog's cancer over the past two months, he died of kidney failure. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36790) - you totally deserved it (11237)
On 08/24/2009 at 1:33pm - misc - by w-dog (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I corrected my mom in front of our family while she was ragging on my 12 year old cousin who got a piercing. She said, "You don't understand you don't have kids, but on the other hand you probably never will!" I have Polycystic ovary syndrome, she is right, I probably never will. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38548) - you totally deserved it (1400)
On 08/24/2009 at 12:43pm - health - by fannyfitel123 (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa thought it would be funny to walk around with a realistic gun and make references about being in the mafia. The rest of my family went along with it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25559) - you totally deserved it (2878)
On 08/24/2009 at 11:35am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my cat head-butted me awake as usual. I reached to pet him, but it wasn't his face I touched. It was the still-twitching corpse of the disemboweled rat he held in his jaws. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23921) - you totally deserved it (2133)
On 08/24/2009 at 9:38am - misc - by CatLady (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I had a double wedding with my sister. My mother, being as encouraging as she always is, told us that statistics say one of our marriages will end in divorce. She then explained she thinks it'll be mine because I'm 'a self-absorbed bitch'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26751) - you totally deserved it (5161)
On 08/24/2009 at 7:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Constanta)
Today, I ran over a cat while driving home. I tried to keep myself together but couldn't help but cry because of how bad I felt. Through my tears I failed to notice a porcupine in the middle of the road. Yep, I hit him too. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35844) - you totally deserved it (10116)
On 08/18/2009 at 1:02am - misc - by anugla (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26024) - you totally deserved it (13556)
On 08/17/2009 at 6:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
