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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
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Keen reader – Level: student ninja
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Today, I Went To An Orchestra Concert. Halfway Through The Performance I Had To Fart Really Bad, So I Decided To Try And Sneak It In While The Orchestra Was Playing A Loud Exciting Part. Just As I Let It Rip, There Was A Dramatic Pause In The Music. Everyone Heard. FML
Today... a homeless man asked me 4 money in a train station bathroom. When I told him I had no money he left. He then returned only to pour a bottle full of urine on mah head while I was in the stall. I use a metro card. I honestly had no money. FML
Yesterday I Confronted My Daughter About The Various Drug-associated Items I Found In Her Room. She Then Confronted Me About Going In Her Room An Invading Her Privacy, To The Pointhere I Forgot The Main Issue An Apologised To Her. I Just Got Outsmarted By A Teenage Pothead.
Today, I went to the bookstore and saw a stunning grl reading . I walked over and picked up a book, thinking our two books were the same category, hence a good conversation starter . She looked at me, and I pointed at my book and smiled . After that, she left . It was a sex position book . FML
TODAY , A COP TURND HIS LIGHTS AND SIREN ON TO PULL ME OVER!! I PULLD INTO A PARKING LOT AND GOT A TICKET!! IT WASN'T UNTIL THE COP PULLD AWAY THAT I REALIZD THAT I'D PULLD INTO , AND INTERRUPTD , AN ON-GOING FUNERAL VISITATION!! FML
Today, mah parents felt the need to lecture me about how people who "smoke the reefer" r a "waste of life" and will never amount to anything !! I was baked during the entre conversation, and actually ended up breaking down in tears, because I realized they were totally right !! FML
Today while I was waiting at a rd light another car slammd into me. By the time I got out to asses the damage the other car was empty and there was nobody in sight. Either Moby Dickwad was abductd by alien mid-crash or he was behind on his insurance payments. FML
Today I made a pone call in ma office to ma doctor. He wantd to call a prescription to ma parmacy but wantd to know by wat metod I would prefer ma medication. During our conversation a group of potential clients walkd in just as I looool exclaimd "I definitely prefer oral." FML
Today, after careful consideration, I told ma wife I really want to ave kids . Se lauged, until se finally realized I was serious, at wic point se flicked me in te balls and said, "Problem solved." FML
Friday 27 March 2015