apple_sause

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apple_sause

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 1512
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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apple_sause's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 11:09pm<b>Jerhel</b> - the 06/16/2009 at 8:05pm<b>xabuko</b> - the 06/15/2009 at 6:30pm<b>Zenma</b> - the 06/15/2009 at 5:19pm

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apple_sause's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom and I rented a hotel room. She decided to go to bed, while I watched MythBusters. Apparently, my mom got hot while she slept. She threw the covers off of herself and pulled up her night-gown. I turned to find out that my mother does not wear underwear when she sleeps. FML

by ZAS / 06/15/2009 at 3:45am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandpa died. I decided to call my grandma to make sure she was going to be fine. After talking over the phone for 30 minutes or so, I told her goodbye and said, out of habit: "Say hi to grandpa for me". FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 12:48am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard. I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it. I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log. FML

by thelarkscaw / 06/14/2009 at 11:37pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking by a bunch of pretty girls. I'm not the most attractive boy, so I walked by nervously. I heard one yell "Hey cutie!" I turned to look, and they started laughing. She said "Oh my god, sorry! I assumed you were cute from your butt!" Apparently, my ass is nicer than my face. FML

by bitches. / 06/14/2009 at 8:39pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to water my entire garden. After an exhausting hour of watering hundreds of plants, I turned off the hose and started to feel good about the grueling job. That is, until it started pouring rain. FML

by Rainman / 06/14/2009 at 4:39pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous

Today, my friends and I were walking past a bar. There were a few cute guys "rating" every girl that walked by with number cards. My friend, who is a guy, got an 8. I got a 2. FML

by number2 / 06/14/2009 at 12:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, was my senior prom. I've had a crush on my date for months, but after many attempts at grinding with him and sexy seduction, he rejected me saying he was a good Catholic boy. I later found out that not only is he in touch with his religion, but intimately in touch with other boys. FML

by failatboys / 06/13/2009 at 11:06pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2009 at 8:47pm / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my sister and I got fitted for bridesmaid's dresses. It was pretty sheer material, so I took off my bright pink thong and left it on the changing room hanger. As I was looking at myself in the mirror, a woman came out of the room holding my thong. She had tried it on. FML

by anonymous1 / 06/13/2009 at 8:43pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I introduced my ex-wife to my new girlfriend. They got along so well that my new girlfriend is going to my ex-wife's house tonight "just to hang out". FML

by Michael / 06/13/2009 at 6:35am / United States (West Virginia) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, as I was rehearsing a kissing scene for a play, I realized that before this play, the last guy I had kissed was the same one I was kissing now. It was also for a play. Four and a half years ago. FML

by iamrose / 06/13/2009 at 1:16am / United States (West Virginia) / Love

Today, I was cleaning out my fiancé's room while he was away so we could move into our new home. Not only did I find a few gay nudie mags, but also some interesting love letters from a nice man named Pablo. Apparently I need to do a lot more than cleaning his room to excite him. Like grow a penis. FML

by vickyxanne / 06/12/2009 at 8:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I signed up for an online dating service, a couple of days after my divorce. I got my first batch of matches, and number one was a smiling picture of the woman who had just divorced my ass after 20+ years together. Her profile shows she has to have been active there for months. FML

by Anonymous / 06/12/2009 at 11:05am / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

by NoBalls / 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, my mom's will was read to the rest of the family. I helped my mom write it a couple years ago, and I was to get funds to pay off school loans. She revised it and put in a note saying I was to get nothing because I was "lazy." The executor read it out loud. FML

by TSampson / 06/11/2009 at 7:51am / United States (Georgia) / Money