apple_sause

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apple_sause

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 1514
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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apple_sause's page activity

Visits<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 11:09pm<b>Jerhel</b> - the 06/16/2009 at 8:05pm<b>xabuko</b> - the 06/15/2009 at 6:30pm<b>Zenma</b> - the 06/15/2009 at 5:19pm

apple_sause's FML badges

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apple_sause's favorite FMLs

Today, I exchanged numbers with this guy in the McDonald's drive-thru. When he asked why I gave him my number I told him I thought he had a nice smile. When I asked him the same question, he responded with "I just thought you had a nice rack". FML

by dreamer2639 / 07/03/2009 at 12:23pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was talking to my mother about my sex life, telling her "if I want to have sex I'm going to have sex." She looked at me for a moment and said, "You're staying a virgin until you marry". She wasn't ordering me, she was informing me. FML

by senelbeat / 07/03/2009 at 11:47am / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML

by shandrith / 07/03/2009 at 10:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was walking down the street, when a man behind me tapped me on the shoulder. He gave a $5 bill and said that he thought I had dropped it. Not having the integrity to turn him down, I took it. I spent the next 20 minutes being chased by a crazy hobo who claimed that it was his. FML

by pinkrazrgirl247 / 07/03/2009 at 2:29am / United States / Love

Today, I was chatting with an amazing guy online. He was perfect for me. After five hours he told me he loved me and I said it back. So than we decided to trade nudes. I sent mine. Within two seconds my niece calls, laughing her ass off, telling me how weird my birthmark is. FML

by Uriah / 07/03/2009 at 12:20am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found some Nesquick Chocolate Milk mix in my pantry which sounded good. While making a glass, I got angry because not all of the mix would disolve. Frustrated, I downed the drink. When I finished I looked in the glass and realized the mix that wouldn't disolve was actually tiny ants. FML

by ChocoMilkManG / 07/02/2009 at 9:37pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend left me. The reason? She's not actually a lesbian. She has been using our relationship to piss off her conservative parents. We've been together for over a year, and I've been in love with her for over five. FML

by heart-broken / 07/02/2009 at 9:33pm / Australia (Victoria) / Love

Today, I was surfing. I saw a cop writing a ticket for my car, I swam as fast as I could to stop him, I got caught in a wave, and smashed onto the rocks. I ended up with a huge bleeding scratch on my back, a broken surfboard, and a note saying that I had a flat tire. FML

by hatesurf / 06/26/2009 at 1:23pm / Peru (Lima) / Transportation

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

by LondonKitsch / 06/26/2009 at 12:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson's comeback tour. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2009 at 10:31am / United States (Rhode Island) / Holidays

Today, My 5 year old sister informed me she had left me a present in my bed. She had tied a ribbon around a dead rat's neck and propped it up on my pillow. The label says his name was Bert. FML

by toothfairy / 06/26/2009 at 10:20am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous

Today, it's my birthday and I received a signed vintage Beatles' album from my wife. Awesome right? It's the same album some jerk way over-bidded me for on eBay. That jerk was my wife, using my credit card. FML

by xero_art / 06/26/2009 at 5:51am / United States (North Carolina) / Money

Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML

by ILuvYouSoldiers / 06/26/2009 at 3:57am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally got a chance to try out my vibrator. I've never orgasmed before with a guy, so I thought there was no hope until my friend gave me the vibrator for my birthday. It was going amazing, better than sex. I was literally 2 seconds away from climaxing when the battery suddenly died. FML

by Anonymous / 06/15/2009 at 7:23am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, I got an electric shaver hoping that it would reduce the risk of cutting myself than shaving with a manual one. However, I cut myself opening the plastic package with the shaver inside. FML

by shaverguy / 06/15/2009 at 4:51am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous