About apollojon : Gotta love reading Fml to kill time. Feel free to message me.. i like meeting new people, especially funny ones haha :D
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apollojon's favorite FMLs
Today, I bought a fish. I put the tank on top of the fridge so my cat wouldn't get at it. I'd forgotten to buy some things for its tank, so I quickly ran out to get them. When I got home, I saw the tank destroyed on the floor, and my cat devouring my fish. I had the fish for less than an hour. FML
by fish killer / 02/07/2013 at 10:58pm / Canada / Animals
by djxerxes9000 / 02/07/2013 at 9:56pm / Canada / Work
Today, I won $50 on the lottery. On the subway home, I checked my pocket to see if the money was still there. A very professional man in a suit yelled, "Hey, that's mine!" I got several dirty glares. I'm such a pathetic wimp that I gave him the money. FML
by Anonymous / 02/07/2013 at 7:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money
Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML
by gilbirds / 02/06/2013 at 7:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation
Today, a tenant in my apartment block told me about a nice shady place behind our building where he often goes to relax. Curious, I went looking for it. It was a quiet and secluded courtyard. At least until a man came out of nowhere waving a hammer in my face, screaming in a foreign language. FML
by Anonymous / 02/06/2013 at 6:14pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by frustrated! / 02/06/2013 at 1:01am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend and I were looking at engagement rings. When the store owner asked about our budget, my boyfriend said with a straight face, "Nothing too expensive, I have a big penis so I don't have to overcompensate by buying a big diamond." FML
by NewlyDread / 02/05/2013 at 9:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love
by Anonymous / 02/05/2013 at 1:40am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by kmtranter / 12/28/2012 at 6:40am / United Kingdom (Brent) / Intimacy
Today, I was online and I saw a friend that I hadn't talked to in two years come online. I IM'ed him, only for him to respond, "I haven't responded to any messages of yours in over a year. Most people would get the hint." FML
by wingless_angel_7 / 12/02/2010 at 6:43pm / United States (Idaho) / Miscellaneous
by lifestinks / 04/05/2009 at 12:17am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, I took a restroom break in a Japanese train station. I couldn’t find the toilet flush, so I… Today, after hours of non-stop work on an important case, I cheeringly blurted out, "And now, time…